Happy New Year 2014

First post of the year, dedicated to you. Yes, YOU!! :D

I just want to wish you a Happy New Year! May the new year of 2014 bring you abundant joy, love, peace, hope and blessings. Enjoy and remember the wonderful moments that the year may bring you. I hope you're ready for the adventures that the year is bringing you! 

Best wishes and love,

Hannah :)

Mid-Semester Break OVER and GONE

Well well well... what's up people? I haven't got the time really nowadays to drop by for a post because guess what? My mid-semester break is officially over and I'm back in uni for classes, tutorials and lectures now.

I'm back here for a short post because I'm currently suffering from a writer's block from writing an essay for my English Language & Linguistics class (yeah... so everybody knows that I'm taking this module... for now). How I wish there's like some magic pen or maybe with a clap, my essay would magically be written, ready to be submitted already. But then, who am I fooling right?! All university students go through this phase I suppose.

I love attending my lectures and classes (really!!! well, maybe not all of them but most! :D) but when there's like so many assignments dumped on you, or in my case, when I get many assignments and project,  I get kind of demotivated to even do them. Like, I lost all my willpower or something. I get really cranky and easily irritated when I'm doing my assignments. (So, don't come near me when I'm doing my work or I'll bite! Just Kidding~~)

And with my writer's block, I decided to come in for a little while and post something on the blog. Hoping that I'd maybe get some inspiration somewhere, somehow to continue my essay.

This reminds me of a picture, titled "Don't Give Up!".

I know I'm not digging for diamonds but you get the meaning of what I'm trying to relay here. I'm trying to give myself a pep talk here like "Giving up is for losers!!" or "Don't be a chicken!".

So yeah, that's what I'm currently experiencing, right here, right now. I guess it's hard for now but I believe that hard work pays off. That's how the saying goes right?

Other than that, I finished most of my assignments except for a couple of my essays and a small part of a video project that I'm working on with a group of friends. My Korean video is done and submitted!! Hopefully, it fulfills my teacher's requirements and get a good grade for it. I find the Korean video that 3 of my friends and I made very funny!! Okay, maybe VERY FUNNY TO US only... but I can never watch on because it's SO EMBARRASSING! *fingers crossed that my Korean teacher won't show it to the rest of the class*

Oh and before I end for this post, I came over a pretty cute cartoon. It's "OCTOBEAR" now! Hahaha!! Get it?! Get it?! "OCTOBEAR" = "OCTOBER"??!! Oh okay.. not funny.

Lame, I know... Well, I've got to get going now. Have a great week ahead errrrbody!!

Gonna go finish up my essay now, toodles!

Hannah

p.s. Was supposed to publish this post at around 11pm but then there was an electricity outage in the house. Took up about 40 minutes to fix it. So here it is! :)

Another year older...

Yup!! The title says it all. I'm another year older as of 2 days ago. I've hit the last year of my "teens". That statement just gave off my age. Well, nothing has changed apart from my age and this year, it's just a busy, normal day for me. No celebrations, no big family dinners, no nothing. It's just a nice, yummy family dinner at an Italian restaurant for the occasion :)

I have received many birthday greetings and well wishes through text messages, Whatsapp, Facebook, Twitter and a couple more SNS that I have. It's nice to see messages that makes you feel warm all over or ones that makes you smile like a fool or the ones that makes your eyes well up because it's just so touching. I just want to say a BIG THANK YOU to all who have taken a little bit of your time to wish me a "Happy Birthday". I'm truly blessed and grateful with such wonderful family and friends all over. :')

On a fun note, I have been living 6940 days on Earth since birth until my birthday on the 14th January, 2 days ago (which makes me 6942 days old today :P). Wow!! Almost reaching the 7k mark. All the years that went by.. oh my, how time really flies. The next thing I know, I'd be 40.

THANK YOU all,

Hannah

First Monday of 2013

Yesterday was the first Monday of 2013. I've seen many "Monday Blues" posts on Facebook and Twitter. I'm not really sure how the rest of you felt but I definitely had a great Monday yesterday. 

I, FINALLY, after much procrastination and putting off my "to learn driving" business, got the paperworks done!! Well, if not for my dad, putting his foot down against my procrastination, I wouldn't have done it yesterday. :P Hehehe.. Thanks dad! I'm actually looking forward to all these driving stuff. But for now, I need to tackle on the 'theory part' of driving. :(

Anyway, I came across a video yesterday... and the video contents came as a shock and surprised. I was never expecting something like that. I was having my giggling fits while watching the video. HAHAHA!! It's a fresh and surprising talent. New to the market ;) Watch the video below!!! (I'm rather outdated as this has been 2 years since, don't judge!)

Edward Reid... from Britain's Got Talent!! When you are watching this for the very first time, were you expecting that?! I really doubt so.. it's rather entertaining, seeing the judges' and the audience's reactions. One statement that hit me and got me laughing the most was one of the judges', Michael McIntyre's comment to Edward Reid after hearing him sing - "I don't know what will happen to you after this competition, but I can see you getting booked for Elton John's child's first birthday party." HAHAHA!!

Well, that was something little to share. Hopefully the rest of my week will be good!! :)

Sharing a little laughter :'D

Hannah

First few days of 2013

This is only the 3rd day of the new year... but it doesn't really occur to me that it's 2013 and no more 2012 now. Why? Because, I DO NOT HAVE SCHOOL!! Yeah.. while both of my brothers are waking up everyday at 6 AM to prepare for school, I'm still in bed.. only maybe waking a few hours after that. Ahhh.. the relaxing days of my life. I could get used to this. Somehow, I kind of envy my brothers having to go back to school... although I'm loving my non-school days very much. :P

However, there's a guilty part in me. There's this inner voice in me that always tell me not to rot away everyday and instead do something useful. So, I'd always have a book with me that I can read apart from spending my time watching TV or going online for hours. Well, I might start a couple of new activities or maybe go do some work outside of home. I shall see how things will work out for me. :) 

I went to the movies with my 2 of my aunts a few days ago and again yesterday with another aunt. (Yes, BIG FAMILY results to you having many relatives) Both of the times, I watched Les Miserables!! I love it!! It's another musical made into film that I like besides Phantom of The Opera. It's amazing - with a star-studded cast and a few fresh faces that all sings very well. Who knew Hugh Jackman and Russell Crowe could sing?! (Okay, maybe some of you might have known them doing something involving theatre in real life. I checked Wikipedia. But I seriously have no idea. ><) And Anne Hathaway really went all the way to cut her luscious long locks into a pixie cut just to get into her character, "Fantine". How can you say NO?!?!

Anyway, I love how well the actors and actresses can act and sing at the same time. I love how the emotions run through this movie and the cast really brought out the emotions of the story very well. WOW!! As I was watching the movie, I can feel the sadness and the pain of the individuals. It's not every movie that does this to me. In summary, Les Miserables portrays the sacrificial love of a mother to her daughter, a father to his adopted child and a woman to a man who will never love her back. Just amazing, a masterpiece!

One of the funny reviews that I've stumbled across. Just for laughs. ;) [I enlarged the photo just so that the comment below is readable ;)]

Also, I love the music from Les Miserables. Having their music covered by so many singers previously. I love this Film soundtracks. Not bad at all and the cast sang it live while filming. They're not even lip-syncing or anything, only the music and the orchestra were added in later. After watching the movie, the songs from the film have been stuck in my head... EVEN TODAY!! Here's the trailer to the film : Les Miserables :)

Go watch it if you haven't yet. :)
Hannah

Last day of 2012

After me being missing in action for this past half-month, I'm back!! :D Well, I've been back in Brunei a week ago and things have been great. I missed posting on Christmas, so even though it's a little late (better late than never right?), I just want to wish everybody a MERRY CHRISTMAS!! :)

I came back the day before Christmas eve to spend my Christmas back here in Brunei with family and friends. I had a wonderful Christmas dinner at Uncle Alex's and Auntie Jo's residence on Christmas eve with a few other families. You know, just to catch up with one another and to have fellowship. I, as well as all the others I'm sure, are all very well fed that night with all the delicious food that Auntie Jo prepared. Turkey, salmon, lasagna, salad, sushi, cakes... a delicious spread. :) 

I had a nice Christmas day as well. Had a Christmas service and I saw many of my friends being back in Brunei from their studies, winter break or just a nice short holiday. My family and I even went for a movie outing that Christmas night. We went to watch "Ah Boys to Men". Another Jack Neo's masterpiece. I love how the movie is hilarious, heartwarming and educating at the same time. I briefly tweeted after the movie and tagged Irene Ang (an actress from the movie whom I like since the Phua Chu Kang days), and never would I have expected, Irene Ang tweeted me back!! What a nice lady she is. Anyway, it's a really good movie to watch. My family and I love it a lot! It's almost a week since we last saw the movie... and we're still talking about it. Can't wait for the Part 2 of "Ah Boys to Men" to be out next February of 2013.

I've been spending my days back in Brunei well. Had many family moments and even went out to catch up with a couple of close friends. Little did I realise that THE LAST DAY OF THE YEAR IS TODAY!! Can you believe it?!?! I'm not sure if I'm ignorant or rather, living my days a little too well, that I didn't catch on soon enough that today is NEW YEAR'S EVE!! It wasn't that long ago since the last new year's eve right?? 

WOW!! What a year!! For the past 365 days (well, there's 366 days this year since it's a leap year :P), I've been on what-others-might-call-it, a roller coaster ride. I'm pretty sure that I'm not the only one experiencing it this year. There have been many ups as well as the many downs that I've faced. Trials and challenges, happiness and blessings, I've seen a lot this year. But, I'm very grateful to have come to where I am now. There has been many times where I would feel like giving up, especially this year for me, I've been having exams for THE PAST 11 MONTHS!! Yeah, you read it. 11 months of school based exams and public exams. Thank goodness it's over and done with.

I'm never one who has always excelled in my studies but I do try my best in whatever that I was doing. It was hard but thankfully, through prayers and support from many of my friends and family, I finished what I had to. It was really a challenging path. Oh boy... I can still remember doing maths until the wee hours of the night, crying so much because the maths was so hard and I couldn't do them. Haha.. what an embarassing moment to share but it's now a memory. Hopefully, my results would be satisfying so that I wouldn't need to retake my exams. *prayingeverydayforsatisfyingresults*

Anyway, there's just a BIG part in me that's just SO RELIEVED that this year is finally over!! 2012 has been a challenging year, I have no idea what 2013 holds for me. I'm praying and hoping that 2013 would be a year full of blessings and thanksgiving for me and everyone else. 23 hours more to the new year. So, just enjoy the rest of the day, have fun, raise your glass and ring in the new year! HAPPY NEW YEAR 2013 EVERYONE!! :)

Big love,

Hannah

FIRST solo adventure

[UPDATED: 14 December 2012]

I am now sitting in a cosy corner of Coffee Bean at Wisma Merdeka which is in the city centre of KK, writing out this post and watching the city get more busy, with increasing population and cars on the road as people commute to work. It so happen that I wanted to go out to sightsee and do a little shopping, but my aunts are all working so, I'm left to wander around on my own. Since most of the shops are only open by 10AM, I'm taking my sweet time at Coffee Bean having a Smoked Salmon Norwegian Sandwich with a cup of Hot Double Chocolate for my breakfast. I'm now too full to even have my lunch on time. 

I was woken up early by my aunt to get ready so that we can leave together. Well, since her workplace is in the city centre also, might as well. Anyway, today would be the very first time that I'm going around in a foreign country alone (even if KK is my hometown - my birth place and my dad's home, I grew up all my life in Brunei. So, I can consider KK as a foreign country?). There's always a first for everything right? 

The last couple of days, since I arrived in KK has been great. The moment I got out of the airport, my aunt brought me to eat my favourite dumplings at this coffeeshop at Hilltop. I have also met up with my other aunt and cousins over a Korean dinner at City Mall yesterday night. 

I'm going to walk around the nearby shopping malls a little later to see if I can grab any good shopping deals and enjoy the solitude. My first solo adventure begins now. :)

All by myself,

Hannah

p.s. I shall upload pictures of my trip a little later when I have the time :) 

FIRST solo trip

I'm really excited today!! Finally, the day has arrived. I'm going on my FIRST solo adventure!! There's many FIRSTS going together with my trip. I'm excited yet nervous for the yet-to-comes. I'm actually going back to my hometown - Kota Kindabalu (KK), Sabah, Malaysia, for a short getaway and yes, I'm going by plane.

As this post is published onto my blog, I would be hundreds of feet up in the air (because I scheduled this post to be published around the same time of my flight :P). It'll be my FIRST time riding on a plane alone. All by myself. And this is coming from me, a person with  anxiety issues. For the past couple of days, some scenarios flashed across my mind. What if I forget this? What if I that? Would I get into trouble for this? What would happen to me if that? However, despite all those, I'm just going to place myself in God's hands. I'm sure that I'll be okay and I'll reach KK safe and sound :)

It's also the FIRST time that I'm going back to my hometown alone. Usually, I would go back together with my family or my aunt. But this time, it's just me who's going back. I can't help but feel a little nervous and scared because this time round, there's no parents who's gonna look out for me or siblings to help me or entertain me. I guess this is what growing up is like. Although I'm staying with my aunts and grandma in KK, I still feel like this is an independent trip for me.

There's actually many more FIRSTS to come when I'm in KK, but I shall blog more on those at a later time. Until then, goodbye Brunei for a little while and HELLO KK!!

Flying solo,

Hannah

Hello December!

WOW!!! Can you believe that it's December already? 30 more days left for the year 2012, 30 more days to the year 2013, 24 days to Christmas and 4 more days before I leave for an adventure of my own! Well, HELLO DECEMBER~~ Please be good to me :)

This year has been a really long year for me but I still think that time passes really fast no matter what. During the past 11 months, I've been wanting for the time to go really fast because I just want to get my exams done and over with. But right now, I just want time to go slow so that I can enjoy my days of relaxation and freedom!

I'm loving my post-exam days, getting to do what I want. There's just so much that I want to do, I kind of wish that the hours of the day would pass by slower so I can enjoy my moments longer.

As I have said, I'm leaving for my own adventure in 4 days time. I'll blog more about it when the day of my adventure come, until then, enjoy your DECEMBER ;)

Oh happy days,

Hannah

1 week post-exam

Life's pretty good for me right now. It's been a week since my last paper for the exam. A week, and many things have happened. A lot of outings, movies and fun. I'm enjoying life as it is now. Better enjoy it now before my results come out. Already I'm worrying about my results when exams are just over. Well, that's Hannah.

I spent my morning cleaning half of my room. Ahhhh... what a chore. Well, I had to clean out all my stuff, discard those things that can't be used whereas, recycling those still good. This is what I get for not cleaning out my room often. I have many stuff piled up in my room, especially books and papers during the exam. Now that I have the time, I shall clean my stuff up, one by one. It's not easy but hopefully it gets done soon! :)

Anyway, dad, the youngest brother and I took a spontaneous movie trip yesterday night. Dad and I have wanted to watch "Cold War" for a long time (a couple weeks in fact :P), so we left for the 9.30 PM show yesterday night after dinner. "Cold War" was really good for me. "Cold War" has many big Hong Kong Household names like Tony Leung, Aaron Kwok, Andy Lau and many more. Check out the link. :P

I love how this movie has a good plot. It's not really that predictable with the many twists and turns in the movie. Though, there's not many action scenes and I don't really mind since I'm not a big fan of action scenes. I love how the movie needs you to think. Haha.. overall, I love that movie. Opening film for the 17th Busan International Film Festival (BIFF) this year, yeap, you make us Chinese proud!! :')

Oh, and I think that the older Aaron Kwok gets, the more charming he looks. Haha!! He's just really good looking especially in the movie. He has this mature masculinity in him. :D Just go watch it. Recommeneded!! :)

Life's Good,

Hannah

p.s Sorry for the Aaron Kwok spam in this post, he's just really good looking. :P

17 days and counting down

I have approximately 17 days until I finish the whole lot of my A Level Cambridge Exams. I can't wait for that day to arrive! Right now, I just need to concentrate on a few more of my papers and I'm all good. I have 4 more papers left and the most important one are mostly all over.

Overall, I think I did good on some and also badly on some. The bad would be my maths paper. I'm originally very bad in Maths, being one of the weaker students in my class and having really crappy results with my tests and exams in school (Don't judge me okay). So, after I finished my Pure Maths Papers and my Mechanics Paper, I felt like I lost all hope. Haha.. that's how bad it went for me. I won't even be expecting much for it myself. Hopefully, my family won't too. I really tried my best doing revisions and studying.

Also, sorry for the lack of posts but I promise to be back with more after next week!! This is what's up with me at the moment. Not very interesting but it's gonna be ending soon. Can't wait!! :)

Counting down the 17 days,

Hannah

In God, I will trust

Tomorrow is the second week of the Cambridge A & AS Level that I'm taking. This week is a little heavy for me. 3 papers with 2 of them being Maths. Oh bummer... I suck in Maths big time and that's no secret. What's worse is that I'm particularly poor with the mechanics paper. Hopefully, all things will go well especially with my revisions and my exam.

Yesterday night during Youth, during the Praise & Worship session, I came across a couple of Bible verses. Romans 8:38-39. I've read those verses many times before however, those verses just struck me. The versus just spoke to me and it suddenly just made me realise something that I should have done before. 

Romans 8:38-39

New International Version (NIV)

³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I'm sure that many of us have felt very unloved and unwanted, scared and alone. Sometimes you just feel that nobody really cares for you even with all the people like your families and friends around you. I've felt these feelings before. Sometimes, I'd just think, where are all the people when you need them? Like this verse has said, nothing can separate us from the love of God. God has always been there for me, the bad times and also the good. 

Like for me, I'm never a person who can handle stress that comes altogether at me at one time. This is rather bad as I'll be at a disadvantaged when I go out to the work force or stumble upon some horrible crisis. Right now, with all these exams going on, I sometimes feel like giving up. I'm a pessimistic person when it comes to my studies. I'm not any good with them and I'm absolutely no "straight-A" student like how all parents want their children to be. But with that verse, I'm sure I can pull through because I know that there's somebody who loves and cares for me a lot. Like what Philippians 4:13 says. I'm more positive about me pulling through these few exam weeks.

Philippians 4:13

New International Version (NIV)

¹³ I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Also, other than the Bible verses, a song that we sang during Praise & Worship , describes what I'm feeling right now. It's amazing how God sends somebody to show me these words of wisdom in my time of needing some pick-me-up.

Still by Hillsong

This song really speaks to me. How many a times where I have tried to rely on my own strength when there's somebody MUCH BIGGER than what I am is able and is wholeheartedly willing to share my burdens with me my fears and the challenges that I face. I should learn how to place my trust in God more often and not just relying on my own strength  No doubt that I'm still learning and there are many more life lessons to learn, however, I know that I'm not alone facing the storms. 

I have more courage and peace within me now as I know that I won't face this exam period all by myself. No matter what happens, I know that God has a plan for me. 

In God I trust,

Hannah

To Tigger, with love

To those who have read some of my Twitter tweets a few days ago, I have found my cat, Tigger. Unfortunately, Tigger was found dead. It was pretty sick when I last saw him, vomiting clear liquid quite frequently and it won't take in any food or water. We suspected that it was either poisoned, or ate something deadly beforehand. The next thing I knew, he went missing and we weren't able to find him around and we were  keeping our fingers crossed, hoping that he would come home soon.

As some of you might know, I found Tigger in a drain late at night while it was raining. He was meowing very loudly because he was at the edge of the drain. If he falls, it would be the end of his life but he was so tiny at the time that he couldn't climb out of the shallow drain himself. My dad rescued him out and then he ran off. A couple of weeks later, we found out that my next-door neighbour was keeping him but due to certain circumstamces, they weren't able to keep him anymore so we took Tigger over.

Tigger was my favourite cat out of the 5 cats that I have. =) He was my favourite because he was the first cat that I took care of since my last cat who ran away a year ago. Tigger was the only male out of the litter and also the eldest and largest, so he took care of the other 4 young female kittens. Tigger was best friend with *Lily, good friend with **Snowie and was a fatherly figure to 2 very young kittens, ***Patches and Laces.

* Lily was the 2nd cat which we took in because it was abandoned and is kind of blind in one eye.

** Snowie is the 5th cat that we took in which was also abandoned outside our house during a night where it was raining heavily.

*** Patches and Laces were the 3rd & 4th cat that was abandoned outside our house with giant red ants all over them which left them swollen and in pain.

All of the cats that I have are all abandoned cats. They were all in bad condition when we found them but after some tender, loving care, they are now well. A few of them had cases of worms maybe because they were strays and were abandoned, not sure what they actually ate before they came to us(We did de-worm them though (= , so no worries). We feed them minimum 3 times a day with cat food, water and occasionally milk. The cats are bathe at least once a week. So, they are all taken good care off.

Well, it was sad thing that Tigger is now gone but at least he's no more in pain or suffering now. Tigger, thank you for giving me a beautiful memory to remember you by. :)

To Tigger, with love.

Hannah.

Disclaimer: All photos do not belong to me unless stated so. Credits to the original photo uploader.

3rd last day of school

I would always wonder how time flies. Don't you? It goes past so fast that you can't help but wonder what happened to the extra time you thought you had. Today is the 3rd last day of my A Level schooling. It scares me somehow, knowing that with me finishing with school, it would be the start of the BIG FINALS! I mean, it was not very long ago that I just entered into a new school, new environment and now, I'm getting ready to leave.

Well, some classes of mine have been the very last today due to some events happening tomorrow and on Saturday. It has been a bittersweet feeling, parting with the friends you've made, the teachers you've known and the attachment to certain places that we frequently hang out in school and all.

Somehow, this 2 years of school life will leave with me as a part of my "crazy teenage" memories. I hope that one day I'll be able to look back at these days in the future with a smile even though A Level is a really tough one to get through.

Persevere and endure.

Hannah

Oppa Gangnam Style & Oppa Brunei Style

This week has been super hectic for me.I'm not sure about the others but I'm mentally and physically exhausted. It's been a full week of school, lessons and assignments. Oh the bore. So, nothing interesting or fun has happened to me this week. D-day is arriving soon, counting down fast by the days that seem to zoom by. I, for one, do not look forward to my finals and I'm not as ready as I think I should be.

Moving on. These days, I'm sure many of us have heard about this South Korean singer, Psy, whose song and music video, Oppa Gangnam Style. If you have not heard of it, I think you must have been living under a rock. I've heard this song much earlier on since it's initial release. It wasn't such a big hoo-ha then as it is now. From my honest opinion, this song is not bad and it's pretty catchy plus, I like Psy's music since years ago (YG Family for the win!) and songs from YG can't be any bad. <--- Okay, this is K-pop talk. Only a K-popper would understand.

However, since the song and the music video went viral on the internet and all  recently, I feel that this song has been overplayed. Not that I don't like the song but I hear it ALL the time on the local radio stations and music channels on TV that it's been getting a little irritating for me. There's pros and cons about this though. The good thing is that Oppa Gangnam Style would expose many people to K-pop and K-pop would benefit from this really. One of the cons would be that, with so many people overplaying this song, it will slowly lose it's significance and make people feel indifferent about it.

So, for people who have yet to watch the Music Video of "Oppa Gangnam Style" or wants to watch it again, here it is.

I think that this music video is pretty interesting, taking a side which not many Korean artistes take. Psy is a unique individual in the Korean Music industry as well. Oppa Gangnam Style features Psy's famous "horse dance", just like SNSD's Gee having it's "crab dance". 

Many of the people like this song however, there are some who can't seem to appreciate such music. Well, everybody has got different taste so no judging here as it's all based on personal preference. If you like this song, then good for you, if not, haters gonna hate. 

Oppa Gangnam Style is getting really popular and crazy by the second that people ALL AROUND THE WORLD are making parodies of this video. Well, I don't think it's any bad to make a parody. There are really some interesting ones out there that I have seen. Well, this doesn't exclude Brunei. A group of young people in Brunei have actually made a parody of Oppa Gangnam Style. In my opinion, it's not bad. The parody showcases some Brunei flavours in it that I think is what that is appealing to others.

Without further ado, I present to you the Brunei's version of Oppa Gangnam Style, the "Oppa Brunei Style"!

Well, this "Oppa Brunei Style" has gain many viewers since it's release yesterday which I think is quite a feat. This parody has actually many positive reviews however, when there's an up, there will always be a down right? Well, you can't please everybody. Anyway, good job to the people in the video. You guys gave a great performance. A forward step in Bruneian entertainment perhaps? :)

Appreciate good music.

Hannah

p.s. the post here is written in my very own perspective and does not reflect the views of the general public.

My Panic Issues

So, I have finished my mock exams already. Guess what? I think that this A Level mock exams are like one of the worst experience ever. I don't know if I'm just plain stupid or whatever I am, I can never seem to do as well as how others expect me to. I just always fall short. I get nervous breakdowns.. note the "s", which means I have had multiple panic attack each exam. Let me tell you what. PANIC ATTACK SUCKS!

I've clearly revised and study for my exams by reviewing notes and doing past years' exam papers. I thought that I remembered many facts that I needed for my exam but just when I set foot into the exam hall, I start to get all nervous, sweaty and scared. It all settles down just as I'm prepared to start writing and such. However, just when I opened the question paper  after being told to do so, the panic attack starts again. Oh boy, what I memorised and remembered then goes down the drain. What is this?! My panic attacks makes my mind goes blank and makes me forget EVERYTHING!

While many of my school peers are still having their mock exams (due to different subjects on different days, mine finished earlier), I'm excused from school. Being not having school today, I still went back to school to amend my exam schedule for my final exam next couple of months and I took some time to go meet my sociology teacher. My sociology teacher is one of the BEST TEACHER I've ever have! Seriously, he's the one who encourages me and gives me some hope even when all seems dark with my studies. He knew about my panic issues since last year's finals and he told me to calm down (in a very nice and gentle way, of course).

When I met him this morning, he asked me if my panic attacks happened again. He said that my AS sociology results does no justice to what I've done and revised. Well, I do take some pride off my assignments which I've always tried my best at it and it always got me good homework grades. :) He assumed that I panicked just before the exam (which I clearly did before, during and after the exam ><). After some chatting while I met up with him this morning, he told me to try to fix my panic issues because it's clearly affecting my studies and my results. He also told me that with some good revision and no panic attacks, I'll do good in all my future exams. Thank you for reassuring me! :)

I can't seem to understand why I get these panic attacks either. I tried not to let it happen but it just always happens and I always felt like it's the end of the world after the exam. Sigh.. I need a remedy for this. Maybe it's just my personality or it could well be my psychological thinking? I don't really know. But what I know is that having nervous breakdowns sucks and it feels like I've died a little inside.

Hopefully this problem of mine will be resolved very soon, because I'm having my finals in a month's time and i can't afford to lose out anymore. Also, I'm prepared to do very badly and maybe fail a couple of subjects for my mocks. This is just sad.. very sad. This totally sucks.. BIG TIME.

Trying to fix my freaking nervous breakdowns,

Hannah

Disclaimer: All photos or pictures aren't mine unless stated so. Credits to the original uploader.

My Inner Blues

Today has been one of the days where I'd feel so down and low, as though I can't climb back up the ladder after falling down from it into a deep pit. So much has happened today and there's so much thoughts within me... Disappointment? Relief? Sadness? Happiness? I have no idea how to actually describe what I'm feeling right now. All of these feelings have all mixed and rolled up into an ugly ball of feelings.

This morning, I started my mock exams (some would call it a qualifying exam). I had my MIB (Melayu Islam Beraja also known as the Malay Islamic Monarchy) paper this morning. This MIB paper is one of the paper that I dread so much because I had to write all of it in Malay and it's not really a secret anymore if you do actually read my blog. I guess it went well, I did my best for that paper, wrote as much as I was able to. The only part that I missed out doing was the Jawi (arabic words) part. I forgot all of my Jawi already since I stopped learning Jawi in Primary 6. So, hopefully, I won't fail this MIB paper and get a credit for it at least.

I went home after my MIB paper to do some last minute revision for my Sociology paper which was in the afternoon. There was so much to study that I tried to memorise as much as I could but I think I did it again. I kind of pushed my panic button <--- really guilty of that. Sorry Mr. Ess, I couldn't stop myself from panicking when I saw the questions on the paper. The entire duration for my Sociology paper was 3 hours long. The longest paper that I have ever sat for in my entire life. My bones were aching and I was getting restless from sitting down for so long. I felt so stiff but I couldn't move from my seat since it was an exam. I wrote as much as I knew after my panic attack where my mind went blank. It was a horrible 3 hours. 3 hours 3 essays. How great is that. =.=

After the Sociology mock exam was over, hand phones of the students started ringing here and there. All I could guess at that moment was," OH MY GOODNESS! THE JUNE AS RESULTS ARE OUT!". And.... I was right. It was still in the exam hall, mind you and I could hear shrieks and cries of the students. Out of joy or grief, I won't know since they're not my friends but I do suppose that one student actually scored a really good grade for sociology that her sociology teacher got so overwhelmed and cried on the spot. Congratulations to whoever you are! :)

I was, of course, scared and nervous while waiting and holding tight onto my phone. I registered for the results to come through my phone to me and it's one of the things that I hated. Every buzz that my phone makes, due to other notifications on my phone, makes my heart skip a beat and I would actually stop breathing for a moment. My results didn't actually came to me until a while after I got back home from the sociology exam. 

Well, all I can say is that my results were what I expected or maybe a little better than what I expected since I actually thought that I was gonna fail one of the subject. BUT no, I didn't fail any. Praise the Lord! The results were mediocre and I told my parents about it. They weren't the happiest camper about it but at least I wasn't thrown into a hot, fiery furnace for not getting the results that they wanted. It was then I felt disappointed because I had disappointed my parents with my results since it wasn't what they wanted. I'm not the A kid, though I always wished that I was. 

Even though I was a disappointed, a wave of relief hit me hard. I didn't fail anything and I manage to get all credits except for the one that I thought I would fail. My friends and I were twitter-raging the entire time after the results were out. Some were the happiest receiving such great results however, many of us were accepting the fact of our not-so-good results. Oh well, we can't change the ugly truth can we?

Oh boy, am I ever glad that I actually had such supportive friends like Lin and Sophia who encouraged me again and again, not to give up hope in achieving a better set of grades when I retake my papers again in October. Lin and Sophia are like my sisters from another mother. Though both of them do not know each other personally, I do still appreciate them and love them WITH ALL OF MY HEART! God bless you two girls. Haha!! This is when I realised that friends are just so important. "I would rather have 4 nickels than a 100 pennies." - as quoted from some person on twitter. Lin and Sophia were the perfect pick-me-up after a wholesome 2 hours of being depressed over my results. I wouldn't have come out of my "mini-depression" that quickly if not for them.

But again, I was relieved after all these waiting and anticipating for my results. I'm glad that this is over and done with. I'm thankful that mum and dad weren't as pissed as I thought they would be. I'm grateful for my parents who told me to work harder for the next retake exam instead of throwing me insults to let me fall deeper. I'm grateful for my friends who encouraged me to not give up and to keep pressing on. I wouldn't have gone far without any of them. Most of all, I'm thankful for God answering my prayers because only God knows the perfect solution to every of my problem, no matter how big or how small.

Jeremiah 29:11 - 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'

Jeremiah 29:11 is one of my FAVOURITE verse in the Bible. Whenever I'm feeling at a lost, I would always remember and think about this verse and then I'll be feeling a lot better after reading through this one verse. How God works in many ways to comfort and to heal one's soul. 

This is such a wordy and a lengthy post but it totally describes a little bit of how I'm feeling at the moment. I hope that things will get better in time.

I'm singing my blues~

Hannah

Disclaimer: Photos do not belong to me unless stated so. All credits to the original photo uploader.

Last week of the school holidays

This week is the very last week of the school holiday for us students in Brunei. Even the international school students are finishing up their summer holidays and getting ready to get back at school. This last week of holiday for me is the last week for me to do my revisions for my upcoming school-based exam before the BIG ONE in October! This freaks me out a little. You can ask almost everybody whom I know, they will say that they're not ready for the exam too. Oh bummer...

So, as yesterday was the 1st day of raya, I went to Sophia's open-house, so to pay a visit to her family, to have a look-see at her house, and most of it all, to catch up with each other! The both of us haven't seen each other in more than a week. Yesterday was definitely a great catch-up session for the both of us. How us girls can talk on and on and on, I don't know but it was all great and I appreciate the bonding time. :)

It was my first time to Sophia's house, though I've met her parents before, it was he first time meeting the rest of her family. Her parents were so ever hospitable and they were so nice! When I first stepped into the house, I greeted and wished her mum, and her mum asked Sophia to usher me to the Dining Room to eat. Eating was practically what I did aside from chatting with Sophia and playing with her nephew. Sophia's mum is a really good cook who cooks really nice Soto (a type of Malay soup noodle dish) and the chicken curry was great! Yums~ No worries, I've been fed well the entire time I was there.

Playing with Sophia's nephew reminds me of having younger cousins. He's just so adorable. Have you met a 2 year-old who can sing the National Anthem by heart? Brunei's National Anthem of course. He's a smiley and happy boy. I can see that he has been the joy of Sophia's family. Active and a little naught of course, but aren't most little boys like that? Because I stayed for a couple of hours at Sophia's house, her nephew and I got along well, and the 3 of us including Sophia's brother-in-law who is also her nephew's father played with sparklers. What a night! I enjoyed every bit of it. :)

My parents were urged into Sophia's house when they came to pick me up together with my youngest brother. Haha! My family was invited as well but they didn't manage to come together with me. It was all great. My parents love Sophia's mum's chicken curry the best whereas my brother love the Soto. He had 3 big bowls of it! Now, you can imagine how nice it was. It was also wonderful for my parents to be able to meet Sophia's parents and family because Sophia has been such a great friend to me.

So, after all the talking and eating at Sophia's house, it was time to depart to another open-house. My mum's friend's house. Even though I was too full, I still manage to stuff a little more food down in me out of politeness. They have great food too! Haha! Bruneians and their love for food. Food makes us all unite eh? It was a wonderful day full of celebrations and food. I love food and one of the things in my bucket-list is to try the food of all the different countries around the world. ;)

Happy 2nd day of Raya!

Hannah

Disclaimer: All photos are not mine unless stated so. Credits to the original photo uploader. :)