Pet Thoughts

WARNING: Lengthy and wordy post ahead!

So... I'm back! After almost 10 months of absence... Yup, university and life commitments make me put off blog posting. It was something that I mentioned that I would try to keep up with but it wasn't a priority. Anyway, back to what I came here for. It's somewhat like a late night musing for me which I wanted to record down.

It's the exam period right now and I had 2 papers done and over with, leaving with just 1 last paper coming this Saturday in 2 days time!! So to procrastinate doing my revisions (I'm a rebel :P), I went on to Facebook to you know... catch up on the in things and to stalk check up on current things that my friends are up to. However today, there were a couple of postings regarding a similar issue that has got me thinking for a while now. Coincidence?

Those postings were about a bear being a roadkill which was an accident and then a Taiwanese celebrity (but down-to-earth) couple losing their pet dog of 14 years. 

Regarding the bear, it was an unfortunate incident since in Brunei, we don't really get to see many of these wildlife animals roaming around (but we do get a lot of those pesky, cheeky monkeys though). It kind of baffled me as to how some people were blaming the driver for the death of the bear. Well, I don't see how it's possible to have a car having to brake in time and stop for the bear when it (most probably) came out of nowhere. Where's the compassion and understanding amongst the people?

Then as I scrolled further down my Facebook feed, there came a picture with the husband caressing their pet dog of 14 years with the caption written in Chinese (I've translated it into English over here) saying:

"It's Thanksgiving Day today... the pet dog we raised for 14 years has gone back to heaven. We are really upset and reluctant... We are thankful for the 14 years of companionship. We shall meet again in heaven."

Now... that actually made my tears free fall from my peepers because it was making me think back on what I've actually been thinking over the past few days (or more so, it was something that has been at the back of my mind for a long time but only during the past few days, I've gave it a serious thought).

All my life, I've always wanted to raise a dog as a pet. My ideal pet dog has always been a Golden Retriever. I mean... come on, look at those doggies. They're so fluffy and cuddly and too adorable. How can anyone not like them yeah? I feel so happy whenever I see pictures of them and it fills me with so much adoration for those dogs that I want to drown them in my love and force them to love me back! HAHA!!

However, my parents were always against the idea of us raising a dog as a pet. Well... to be fair, there were a few reasons that we can't keep dogs as pets, such as we're not living in a dog-friendly environment, we were (note: past tense) lacking of responsibility in taking care of pets and our houses that we had lived in were too small to keep such an active dog. I admit those and it was fair thinking for the dog too if we were to get one.

Earlier this evening after dinner, I came across a posting of dogs evolving after 100 years of selective breeding which made me go into searching about Golden Retrievers. I felt a little sad reading this post below. How can people do this to animals just so that they can get a blue ribbon for it?!

I wikipedia-ed "Golden Retriever" to dig up for more information about it and instead of being all hyped up about getting one (since we are moving to our own place with has a bigger area and now, dog-friendly), it actually made me think twice about getting one now.

It seemed like this breed of dogs get sick really easily with cancer and aches and pains and what-nots. WOW!! It was pretty overwhelming reading about so much how much pain one dog can go through and it hurt my heart just thinking about it. Then came the Facebook posts that got me thinking even more!

I'm a person with attachment issues. Yes, you read it right - attachment issues. I'm pretty attached to the people that I'm close with or feel comfortable with, things that I own (no, I'm not a hoarder :P) and also animals that I come in contact with. Being too attached has caused me quite some heartache because people come and go (in a good way) like leaving for further studies and what not and I even cried and bawled my eyes out when I had to flush down the guppy that we kept and raised for more than a year when it went belly up!

When we first moved into this place I'm currently staying at, there was a stray cat that was always at our place and it didn't seem like it had an owner so I decided to take her in and keep her as mine. I named her Mimi (how unoriginal I know) and I was pretty attached to her too. We left for a very short vacation and upon returning, she's gone. Like forever. Not sure what happened though but I hope it's not an accident like what the neighbour's maid actually said. You can't see it but I felt really upset on the inside losing Mimi.

There are many stray cats around my neighbourhood and to not let them die of starvation, my dad and I gave out free cat food in our backyard. An action that my mum frowned upon on the outside but I think she has a soft spot for the cats secretly on the inside. A few cats actually stay in our backyard and right now there's 2 of them but I feel really sorry towards them because I refuse to get close to them like what I did to Mimi. The mortality rates of the stray cats in my neighbourhood is pretty high as we or more so my dad has had to bury so many of them especially kittens.

What happens if I do actually get close to them and making them mine exactly only to have them part from me if they do actually die? So the only relationship I have with the cats is to feed them. As simple as that. Okay.. I've sidetracked TOO MUCH. Back to the topic.

So... if I were to get a dog... will I be able to withstand the heartache that comes with it should it get sick or even die? What happens if my dog gets sick? What will I do? Do I put it down to sleep or let it fight it's sickness just because of my own selfish attachment issues with my dog? What hurts me even more is that animals can't talk. They can't exactly tell you where they're hurting or what they need. If that situation were to happen, I can't think of what I will do? I can't bear to watch it waste away in front of my eyes, neither do I want to part from it.

With these, it made me think a little more whether if I want to actually keep a pet because I don't think I can handle the emotional and attachment issues that comes with it well. So.. this shall be one of the things that I'll be brooding on for the time to come.

If you're still reading this until the end, good job on being so ever patient to read through the whole lot of my late night musings. It might be all over the place but that's how my mind is right now - all over the place. 

Much love,

Hannah ;)

Exam Fever University Style

I've been meaning to write a post for the month at the least but it never happened until now. Well, my "excuse" is that this past one month has been the most hectic period since I started my 1st ever semester in the university. It has been cramped up with tests, presentations, more tests, assignments, write-ups... the whole lot. You just name it.

Right now, I'm in the midst of having my university exams which happens at the end of the semester. Yup, good news and bad news here. Good news is that it's the end of the semester. Bad news would be the horrible phase of exam that the whole university student body, including I, myself are going through.

I've been through a lot of exams in my entire life. I mean, who has not right? There's always something new to experience and this is my 1st university experience. So far, it has been okay for me... I'm trying to stay afloat. Not all too well but God is good!

It's difficult to study for university exams. Yes, difficult! There are no key answers to past year papers, there are no spoon-fed notes like what we have in high school, only limited help and resources available. It's a little overwhelming at times. I've been spending a lot of my hours in the university library, reading up on my modules' materials, searching for better information from the books (can I tell you that I still suck at finding suitable books in the library? Sucking at finding my course related books takes up even more time!) and trying very hard to just study and revise.

Now I know how hard it is to prepare for a university exam. But then again, I just have to muster up all my courage and brace through this week and I'll be done for the semester. I can't wait for the holiday. 

However, before I start drooling and pining on my coming holidays, I must continue to strive and carry on with my revisions (eeeeeeeessssshhhh~~ I hate studying!!). Coming here for a post is just an excuse to procrastinate my revisions. Heh... I'm a bad example - do not learn this from me!

The above cartoon speaks right through me. This is just too true... for me that is. Hahaha.. just something more entertaining than my writings at the top. 

4 more days to go and I'm done (for the 1st semester that is :P),

Hannah :)

One more week

I'm now running the last leg of my A Level exams. The past few weeks have been exhausting and mentally straining. Boy, am I glad that it's ending next week!! It seems that my posts have been rather few these weeks.. because I totally have no idea what to actually blog about as my life for those weeks have been all about exams, studies, revisions, exams, studies, revision. Quite a bore to read them every time ain't it? Even I get bored of writing all about exams, studies and revisions. Haha!!

So, I took an "off" day today. I took my youngest brother to the Times Cineplex today. The Times Cineplex was opened a week (or 2 or 3? I forgot ><) ago. I saw pictures and heard positive as well as a few negative reviews. The Times Cineplex is situated at the 4th floor of Times Square in Berakas. They don't have any newspaper listing of their screening movies, so I had to go there and check since I don't have their number as well. 

Times Cineplex had a standing banner at the lifts with it's phone number. I found the number rather easy to remember, 234 1122. It's a nice number. Anyway, I wanted to watch Skyfall but my brother wanted to watch Frankenweenie. Being the nice sister I am, I watched Frankenweenie or maybe because I've heard too many bad reviews of Skyfall. Frankenweenie was okay for me, I didn't really like it because it was a little too kiddy. I would have liked it if I were a few years younger. Haha.. and it was all black-and-white. However, I enjoyed the wide, comfortable leg space and the comfy chair. :)

For once in a long time, I got to do something interesting. Hehe.. I just can't wait for all my exams to be over and done with so I can have my freedom back!!

Counting down 7 more days,

Hannah

17 days and counting down

I have approximately 17 days until I finish the whole lot of my A Level Cambridge Exams. I can't wait for that day to arrive! Right now, I just need to concentrate on a few more of my papers and I'm all good. I have 4 more papers left and the most important one are mostly all over.

Overall, I think I did good on some and also badly on some. The bad would be my maths paper. I'm originally very bad in Maths, being one of the weaker students in my class and having really crappy results with my tests and exams in school (Don't judge me okay). So, after I finished my Pure Maths Papers and my Mechanics Paper, I felt like I lost all hope. Haha.. that's how bad it went for me. I won't even be expecting much for it myself. Hopefully, my family won't too. I really tried my best doing revisions and studying.

Also, sorry for the lack of posts but I promise to be back with more after next week!! This is what's up with me at the moment. Not very interesting but it's gonna be ending soon. Can't wait!! :)

Counting down the 17 days,

Hannah

Still in the midst of exams

I haven't have much time these days to come online much. It seems like a long time since I logged into Facebook, my e-mail and all. Wow. There's so many things to look into. Well, I'm just here for a short post to show that I'm still alive and that the exams haven't actually killed me just yet.

This week is a free week for me as I don't have any papers to sit for this week, however, the revisions are never ending. It seems like there's always so much to revise and to look through. Is it my lack of confidence or is it just me progressing a little too slow? I'm at the stage where I feel like giving up but I can't give up. Haha.. if that actually makes sense. Preparing for my papers is very tiring. Even when I sleep, I dream about my revisions, my teachers or my class. Then when I wake up, I felt like I haven't had any rest at all. These kind of dreams happen to me once in a while but those dreams have been occurring frequently these days, it's horrible.

Other than studying and preparing for exam, I'm just trying to live each day as productive as possible. Of course there will be some days which I cheat and that results in me regretting not being more productive and useful during the course of the day. Oh well, it's not like I can turn back the time or something. So, I remind myself to BE PRODUCTIVE every single day.

On a lighter note, do you still remember one of my previous post about Eia? Well, Eia is releasing her DEBUT SINGLE, "Hello World" on iTunes tomorrow! Be sure to go buy her single and show your support! Spread the love, Share the music.

For more information, please go to Eia's Facebook Page. 

For an exclusive preview of Eia's first single, "Hello World", log onto Eia's Myspace Page.

Have a nice day,

Hannah

Hanging On

1 paper down, 10 more to go. It's been one week since the start of my exam period and I'm feeling very demotivated already. This can't be happening to me but I'm hanging on in there. It's a phase that all students have to go through. I must persevere and endure. Bitter times now, sweet memories later. 

And so, my youngest brother has already finished his PSR (Primary 6 exam in Brunei. Similar to the Malaysia's UPSR and Singapore's PSLE). Seeing my brother enjoying his freedom, makes me feel a little jealous of him. However, I'll tell myself that I don't need to be jealous because once I finish my exams, I would have an even longer holiday. YAY! Can't wait for that to happen. So, for now, I must press on. Study, study, study!

Exam sucks :P

Hannah

Exam Fever

And so... the exam fever has finally hit me (and all the other people who are preparing for their exams). Panic, anxiety, stress, lack of sleep, worries.. what more to add to my list? I really do pray and hope that all will be well for me this exam. No anxiety attacks and all during my exams and all. These days, I'm starting to feel the stress of the exam which is kind of good as it pushed me to study even harder.

I'll still be updating this little blog of mine if I have the time in the midst of exam. I wish all the exam students the very best for their exam! Study hard and study smart. ;)

Good luck!

Hannah

My Panic Issues

So, I have finished my mock exams already. Guess what? I think that this A Level mock exams are like one of the worst experience ever. I don't know if I'm just plain stupid or whatever I am, I can never seem to do as well as how others expect me to. I just always fall short. I get nervous breakdowns.. note the "s", which means I have had multiple panic attack each exam. Let me tell you what. PANIC ATTACK SUCKS!

I've clearly revised and study for my exams by reviewing notes and doing past years' exam papers. I thought that I remembered many facts that I needed for my exam but just when I set foot into the exam hall, I start to get all nervous, sweaty and scared. It all settles down just as I'm prepared to start writing and such. However, just when I opened the question paper  after being told to do so, the panic attack starts again. Oh boy, what I memorised and remembered then goes down the drain. What is this?! My panic attacks makes my mind goes blank and makes me forget EVERYTHING!

While many of my school peers are still having their mock exams (due to different subjects on different days, mine finished earlier), I'm excused from school. Being not having school today, I still went back to school to amend my exam schedule for my final exam next couple of months and I took some time to go meet my sociology teacher. My sociology teacher is one of the BEST TEACHER I've ever have! Seriously, he's the one who encourages me and gives me some hope even when all seems dark with my studies. He knew about my panic issues since last year's finals and he told me to calm down (in a very nice and gentle way, of course).

When I met him this morning, he asked me if my panic attacks happened again. He said that my AS sociology results does no justice to what I've done and revised. Well, I do take some pride off my assignments which I've always tried my best at it and it always got me good homework grades. :) He assumed that I panicked just before the exam (which I clearly did before, during and after the exam ><). After some chatting while I met up with him this morning, he told me to try to fix my panic issues because it's clearly affecting my studies and my results. He also told me that with some good revision and no panic attacks, I'll do good in all my future exams. Thank you for reassuring me! :)

I can't seem to understand why I get these panic attacks either. I tried not to let it happen but it just always happens and I always felt like it's the end of the world after the exam. Sigh.. I need a remedy for this. Maybe it's just my personality or it could well be my psychological thinking? I don't really know. But what I know is that having nervous breakdowns sucks and it feels like I've died a little inside.

Hopefully this problem of mine will be resolved very soon, because I'm having my finals in a month's time and i can't afford to lose out anymore. Also, I'm prepared to do very badly and maybe fail a couple of subjects for my mocks. This is just sad.. very sad. This totally sucks.. BIG TIME.

Trying to fix my freaking nervous breakdowns,

Hannah

Disclaimer: All photos or pictures aren't mine unless stated so. Credits to the original uploader.