Pet Thoughts

WARNING: Lengthy and wordy post ahead!

So... I'm back! After almost 10 months of absence... Yup, university and life commitments make me put off blog posting. It was something that I mentioned that I would try to keep up with but it wasn't a priority. Anyway, back to what I came here for. It's somewhat like a late night musing for me which I wanted to record down.

It's the exam period right now and I had 2 papers done and over with, leaving with just 1 last paper coming this Saturday in 2 days time!! So to procrastinate doing my revisions (I'm a rebel :P), I went on to Facebook to you know... catch up on the in things and to stalk check up on current things that my friends are up to. However today, there were a couple of postings regarding a similar issue that has got me thinking for a while now. Coincidence?

Those postings were about a bear being a roadkill which was an accident and then a Taiwanese celebrity (but down-to-earth) couple losing their pet dog of 14 years. 

Regarding the bear, it was an unfortunate incident since in Brunei, we don't really get to see many of these wildlife animals roaming around (but we do get a lot of those pesky, cheeky monkeys though). It kind of baffled me as to how some people were blaming the driver for the death of the bear. Well, I don't see how it's possible to have a car having to brake in time and stop for the bear when it (most probably) came out of nowhere. Where's the compassion and understanding amongst the people?

Then as I scrolled further down my Facebook feed, there came a picture with the husband caressing their pet dog of 14 years with the caption written in Chinese (I've translated it into English over here) saying:

"It's Thanksgiving Day today... the pet dog we raised for 14 years has gone back to heaven. We are really upset and reluctant... We are thankful for the 14 years of companionship. We shall meet again in heaven."

Now... that actually made my tears free fall from my peepers because it was making me think back on what I've actually been thinking over the past few days (or more so, it was something that has been at the back of my mind for a long time but only during the past few days, I've gave it a serious thought).

All my life, I've always wanted to raise a dog as a pet. My ideal pet dog has always been a Golden Retriever. I mean... come on, look at those doggies. They're so fluffy and cuddly and too adorable. How can anyone not like them yeah? I feel so happy whenever I see pictures of them and it fills me with so much adoration for those dogs that I want to drown them in my love and force them to love me back! HAHA!!

However, my parents were always against the idea of us raising a dog as a pet. Well... to be fair, there were a few reasons that we can't keep dogs as pets, such as we're not living in a dog-friendly environment, we were (note: past tense) lacking of responsibility in taking care of pets and our houses that we had lived in were too small to keep such an active dog. I admit those and it was fair thinking for the dog too if we were to get one.

Earlier this evening after dinner, I came across a posting of dogs evolving after 100 years of selective breeding which made me go into searching about Golden Retrievers. I felt a little sad reading this post below. How can people do this to animals just so that they can get a blue ribbon for it?!

I wikipedia-ed "Golden Retriever" to dig up for more information about it and instead of being all hyped up about getting one (since we are moving to our own place with has a bigger area and now, dog-friendly), it actually made me think twice about getting one now.

It seemed like this breed of dogs get sick really easily with cancer and aches and pains and what-nots. WOW!! It was pretty overwhelming reading about so much how much pain one dog can go through and it hurt my heart just thinking about it. Then came the Facebook posts that got me thinking even more!

I'm a person with attachment issues. Yes, you read it right - attachment issues. I'm pretty attached to the people that I'm close with or feel comfortable with, things that I own (no, I'm not a hoarder :P) and also animals that I come in contact with. Being too attached has caused me quite some heartache because people come and go (in a good way) like leaving for further studies and what not and I even cried and bawled my eyes out when I had to flush down the guppy that we kept and raised for more than a year when it went belly up!

When we first moved into this place I'm currently staying at, there was a stray cat that was always at our place and it didn't seem like it had an owner so I decided to take her in and keep her as mine. I named her Mimi (how unoriginal I know) and I was pretty attached to her too. We left for a very short vacation and upon returning, she's gone. Like forever. Not sure what happened though but I hope it's not an accident like what the neighbour's maid actually said. You can't see it but I felt really upset on the inside losing Mimi.

There are many stray cats around my neighbourhood and to not let them die of starvation, my dad and I gave out free cat food in our backyard. An action that my mum frowned upon on the outside but I think she has a soft spot for the cats secretly on the inside. A few cats actually stay in our backyard and right now there's 2 of them but I feel really sorry towards them because I refuse to get close to them like what I did to Mimi. The mortality rates of the stray cats in my neighbourhood is pretty high as we or more so my dad has had to bury so many of them especially kittens.

What happens if I do actually get close to them and making them mine exactly only to have them part from me if they do actually die? So the only relationship I have with the cats is to feed them. As simple as that. Okay.. I've sidetracked TOO MUCH. Back to the topic.

So... if I were to get a dog... will I be able to withstand the heartache that comes with it should it get sick or even die? What happens if my dog gets sick? What will I do? Do I put it down to sleep or let it fight it's sickness just because of my own selfish attachment issues with my dog? What hurts me even more is that animals can't talk. They can't exactly tell you where they're hurting or what they need. If that situation were to happen, I can't think of what I will do? I can't bear to watch it waste away in front of my eyes, neither do I want to part from it.

With these, it made me think a little more whether if I want to actually keep a pet because I don't think I can handle the emotional and attachment issues that comes with it well. So.. this shall be one of the things that I'll be brooding on for the time to come.

If you're still reading this until the end, good job on being so ever patient to read through the whole lot of my late night musings. It might be all over the place but that's how my mind is right now - all over the place. 

Much love,

Hannah ;)

Mid-Semester Break OVER and GONE

Well well well... what's up people? I haven't got the time really nowadays to drop by for a post because guess what? My mid-semester break is officially over and I'm back in uni for classes, tutorials and lectures now.

I'm back here for a short post because I'm currently suffering from a writer's block from writing an essay for my English Language & Linguistics class (yeah... so everybody knows that I'm taking this module... for now). How I wish there's like some magic pen or maybe with a clap, my essay would magically be written, ready to be submitted already. But then, who am I fooling right?! All university students go through this phase I suppose.

I love attending my lectures and classes (really!!! well, maybe not all of them but most! :D) but when there's like so many assignments dumped on you, or in my case, when I get many assignments and project,  I get kind of demotivated to even do them. Like, I lost all my willpower or something. I get really cranky and easily irritated when I'm doing my assignments. (So, don't come near me when I'm doing my work or I'll bite! Just Kidding~~)

And with my writer's block, I decided to come in for a little while and post something on the blog. Hoping that I'd maybe get some inspiration somewhere, somehow to continue my essay.

This reminds me of a picture, titled "Don't Give Up!".

I know I'm not digging for diamonds but you get the meaning of what I'm trying to relay here. I'm trying to give myself a pep talk here like "Giving up is for losers!!" or "Don't be a chicken!".

So yeah, that's what I'm currently experiencing, right here, right now. I guess it's hard for now but I believe that hard work pays off. That's how the saying goes right?

Other than that, I finished most of my assignments except for a couple of my essays and a small part of a video project that I'm working on with a group of friends. My Korean video is done and submitted!! Hopefully, it fulfills my teacher's requirements and get a good grade for it. I find the Korean video that 3 of my friends and I made very funny!! Okay, maybe VERY FUNNY TO US only... but I can never watch on because it's SO EMBARRASSING! *fingers crossed that my Korean teacher won't show it to the rest of the class*

Oh and before I end for this post, I came over a pretty cute cartoon. It's "OCTOBEAR" now! Hahaha!! Get it?! Get it?! "OCTOBEAR" = "OCTOBER"??!! Oh okay.. not funny.

Lame, I know... Well, I've got to get going now. Have a great week ahead errrrbody!!

Gonna go finish up my essay now, toodles!

Hannah

p.s. Was supposed to publish this post at around 11pm but then there was an electricity outage in the house. Took up about 40 minutes to fix it. So here it is! :)

Mid-Semester Break 2013

Okay okay.. I didn't keep my promise. I didn't update my blog regularly or so I thought I could... BUT the thing is that, I've been so busy with my university assignments and tests that I barely have any time left for me to squeeze in for a post. 

Well, maybe I would have had the time but time is so, so precious these days that it's better off used to do some other more "beneficial" things (like sleep maybe :P). So, this is why that this blog has been put off.

And I kind of have a bit of time on my hands right now because it's the start of my 2 weeks long mid-semester break. I actually thought that I could, you know, relax and enjoy my holiday... but am I ever so wrong!!! I'm now piled up with essays, presentations and video assignments to prepare and finish before the mid-semester break ends. Oh boy...

That's just a little update from me. More to come soon, hopefully! I've got nothing interesting really, to talk about because my life is just that uneventful. Not that I'm complaining or anything. It's pretty good for me :)

So far so good,

Hannah

p.s. Came across this I fell in love with that cute, cuddly white puff!! It's waving~~ HELLO/BYE!!

Just an update on Hannah's life

I've been pretty busy these days. Mostly busy with the piano. Yes, piano! 

Actually, I haven't been going for my piano lessons since last October, which makes it about 9 months since I've been playing the piano on a regular basis. Sorry Teacher Fel! I promised her that I'll be back for lessons soon after my A Level but I've been dragging on and on - because of me travelling often, being away from Brunei and being occupied with other commitments.

I'm a little rusty with the piano even though I've been playing it at times (rarely!). I've been asked to write out music scores for a couple of songs for Sunday School and I'm trying my best to do it. It's a challenge for me because I'm not a musically inclined person (I have to practice a lot compared to those natural talents who pick music up easily) but it's been nice, spending lots of hours with my piano. I do enjoy my moments spent with it :)

Also, I'm trying to blog more often. Compared to last year, in the course of 6 months (I started back in June 2012), I've blogged about double or even triple the amount of posts than I do this 6 months (2013). Yeah, I know. I'm not the most consistent person out there but at least there's some progress going on or as some would say, it's better than nothing.

I didn't know that my dad reads my blog - but I did talk to my dad about my blog at times (the very few times, countable on one hand). My dad says that I don't blog about anything much that's going on around me and my life, but instead blog about the more general things and other people or other events and so on.

I admit that I'm not very comfortable with sharing about my very personal life (only general stuff) or personal pictures or whatsoever personal here on my blog just yet, since it's open for public to see. I did those though for my previous blogs. Haha!!

I think as I grow older, I tend to keep more and more things to myself. Even my Facebook account! I was really active with Facebook a few years ago but as I age, I don't even update my Facebook anymore. I only use Facebook to stalk catch up with other people's life events. 

I think that maybe I should start slowly. There are family members of mine who are living far away from where I am who are reading my blog as well and I'm sure there's a certain few (won't name you out :P) who are always curious about me. So maybe, just maybe, I may start revealing my more personal bits and pieces. But it's just that nothing much or interesting is going on in my life right now.

Other than that, I hope that my days ahead for this week would be better. Fell into a big slump for the past weekend because I wasn't in my best condition and was feeling rather awful and lethargic - I was really easily irritated and annoyed and got all moody and upset about many useless things. I didn't want to talk to anybody because I just wanted to be left alone. I think I scared quite a few people because I'm usually portrayed as a friendly and amicable person (I think :P).

I feel sorry for the few people that I wasn't very friendly and nice to. I want to apologise sincerely right here (that is if you're reading this. Haha!). I wasn't really myself for the past weekend because I was just so sore and tired, just feeling really stressed about the past hectic week that had taken a toll on myself. Sorry!!

I'm going to be facing another busy week next week. Kind of looking forward to it but at the same time, not so ready to face it. Can't make up my mind about how I feel - mixed feelings.

Just trying to keep myself afloat now. I can do this.

Sorry that it's such a lengthy and wordy post.

Hannah

p.s. I just checked and this blog of mine is officially 1 year old!! Yay me!! :D Reality strikes since 12th June 2012 - 1 year and counting.

Up, Up, Up

I've been very busy for the past month of May. Hectic and stressful but I'm thankful that by God's grace, I'm able to overcome whatever challenges that came my way even though I almost just broke down all the way a few times. Tears, fear, anger, desperation - a roller coaster month for me! I was so caught up in my world that I haven't have got the time to use the computer except for a few short times here and there.

I actually finished the work that held me by the neck by the end of May. I had a lot more freedom this June, or more so, the past 5 days :) I couldn't be more happier and I've been meeting up with friends who came back home for Summer from university and college overseas and most of all, DOING A WHOLE LOT OF READING! (I'll get back to my books in the next post soon to come, so stay tune)

Well, in the midst of all the crazy busy-ness, I actually went online that one day - 21st May. You know, just to check up on my emails that was piling up and to escape my responsibilities for just a little while. While I was scrolling down my Facebook feed, I came across an article that came with a video which showed a story of Zach Sobiech.

The article was about an 18-years-old boy who just died and the video that was about 22 minutes long is about his life after he found out that he was dying from osteosarcoma. 

I've included the video that I watched here for easier viewing.

I watched the entire video, pausing a few times halfway through because it was really hard to watch it through knowing that this kid just died a day ago (or less than a day ago since my time zone and his time zone were vastly different). 

While watching it, I was thinking of how pain and sufferings that he has endured for the past few years, the sorrows and grieve his family and friends were feeling. This feeling caught me personally since I've been through this a couple of times and the last was just a year ago. 

I'm just amazed at how optimistic Zach is through this entire ordeal. He even had a girlfriend who was his pillar of strength and support for the past 11 months before he died. Videos like this always make me think about me, my life. Like, what in the world am I doing with myself while somebody somewhere is struggling and trying so hard just to survive?!

I love one of his quote that has been haunting me in the back of my head:

"You don't have to find out you're dying to start living"

I've read comments saying that this is such an inspiration and all. Yes, I do agree. I've watched a fair share of such videos and every videos like these always open up another small part of me, changing my perspectives about myself, my life and the world, little by little. It's not a 180 degree of change but enough to improve myself slowly.

Also, another thing that caught my attention was that instead of writing farewell letters to family and friends, Zach wrote a song so that everyone can have a little part of him. It's called "Clouds" and I love the song! I've been playing it again and again and again. Singing it here and there many times, over and over again.

The above is the video of his song "Clouds". I find the lyrics really touching and meaningful, inspired by his girlfriend if I'm not wrong. It's just beautiful. 

Just sharing a bit of my thoughts about Zach, who's a fighter. I've never met him but it seems like I know him already. Even though it's been a few weeks since he passed away, I still pray and hope that his family will stay strong and take comfort in the fact that Zach is no more suffering and in pain. God loves His children. :)

Up, up, up,

Hannah

Mother's Day 2013

It has come to this time of the year again. MOTHER'S DAY!! Even though everyday should be a day where you honour your parents but today is more special especially to all the mothers. I want to wish all the mums all around the world and especially my mummy a very Blessed Mother's Day!!

I'm so thankful that I have a mum (and dad too! But today, I'm dedicating this to mummy) who works so hard to provide for the family so that all of us in the family can lead a comfortable and a fortunate life. [My family has a dual parent income and I hail from a middle-class family for those of you who are curious. It's just enough for us to lead a nice and comfy life.]

Thank you mummy for all the sacrifices that you've made so that we can have the best. Thank you for being there, being our chauffeur driving us around when we need it and for buying us yummy snacks and foods which dad sometimes disapprove of :P Thank you for providing me with such a blessed lifestyle. Just thank you for everything.

I know that I may not be the best daughter ever, nor the most obedient and submissive kid, but I just want to thank you for being so patient with me and tolerating me and all my nonsense and my silly, idiotic antics. :)

Hehe... I know I'm not a person who regularly profess my feelings but today I just want to say that - Thank you so much mummy and I love you! <3

Not only to my own mum but to all the women - the many aunties in my life whom have been like a mother-like figure to me. Even though some of you are not mothers but to me, you're just like my mama. :)

Just to name a few whom I'm very grateful to like:- 

• My 2 grandmas and my god-grandma, 
• my mum's 2 sisters - Auntie Pheng and Auntie Shim, 
• my dad's 7 sisters - Da Gu, Er Gu, Fun Gugu, Phyllis Gugu, Ha Gugu, Fei Gugu and Ling Gugu especially to Fei Gugu and Fun Gugu for taking such good care of me when I had my long vacation back in KK and also to Phyllis Gugu for taking care of me when my parents are not around and all,
• and also to Auntie Rosemary, Auntie Rachel, Auntie Jeanne, Auntie A.Wah and many, many more!!

All of you have been such an encouragement and an inspiration to me. I just can't fully proclaim how grateful and thankful I have to have my mum and all these aunties all around to look after me. You guys are the bomb!! :D

Enjoy this wonderful day and enjoy your glorious moments fit for a queen :)

Many love and hugs to all of you,

Hannah

The Better Person

Today, I broke down and cried. I cried in disappointment, in anguish... 

There's so much emotions stored up in me, that I couldn't take it anymore, that I just sat down and cried. I tried to recollect myself but I just couldn't. The many feelings that has been kept inside of me, the feelings that no one else besides me that knows and understands... the bottled up feelings just came pouring out through the streaming tears, flowing down from my eyes, staining the bed-sheet and the clothes that I was wearing.

I just cried and cried and cried. While crying, I was praying. I was asking God to calm down my heart. I prayed for peace and for comfort... but the tears just continued rolling down my face. Like God was just asking me to just cry it all out instead of keeping all the negativity that I gradually stored inside of me.

It was the first time in a long time that I've cried so hard that my shoulders just shook uncontrollably. I cry because I'm hurt. I cry because I'm tired. I cry because I'm angry with myself. I've put up a strong front for a long time that I've exhausted myself and had to cry to relief myself.

I've always been trying to be the better person among the people around me so that I can see them be happy. I'm the kind of person that becomes happy when I see others being happy, most of the time though, not always as I'm only human.

This is me.

The person who tries to give the best to the people around her. 

The person who gives in to others so that they could be happier. 

The person who does the unwanted job that nobody wants to do just so that everyone is happy in the end.

The person who gets into unfavourable circumstances so that the people around her can stay in their own familiarities, their own comfort zone.

Despite being the better person (not all the time because I'm imperfect), have I lose out? I find that I've thrown myself into a deep hole unknowingly, unable to get myself out at times. There were many times that I really did not want to be the better person, like the time where I was being volunteered by others to do the things they didn't want to do so that they can stay in their own skin.

I wondered if the people around me have ever spared a feeling for me or ever tried to understand me. Have they tried to understand where I'm coming from? Have my being a better person gave others an upper hand, taking advantage me? Have my giving in become a norm that they can do whatever they want?

There's many questions that I asked myself, like why am I always the disadvantaged one? Why am I always stuck in these kind of mess? Why is things so unfair? Why don't I get treated better when I've treated everyone as nice as I could?

Sometimes, being the better person sucks. I'm not asking for any acknowledgments but it would be nice to be treated a little better. It's like me being the better person has become a natural to them, sometimes even being taken for granted.

I tell myself at times, why do I even bother? Does anybody sees the good works that I do? 

I was doing my quiet time a little later after my breakdown just now. Right then, this verse came across. It's not the first time such a thing has happened before. It's like the words that God has wanted to tell me or something. 

Colossians 3:17 (New International Version)

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

I don't do good things or be the better person just because I want others to see all the works or the sacrifices that I've done. It all comes back to the starting point. Seeing others happy makes me happy as well. Though not all the time, I would try to tell myself that it's all worth it.

To all the people who have been the better person just so that I could have better opportunities, I'm very thankful to you. Even though I could have forgotten to thank you, I would like to say a BIG Thank You to all of those who've been so considerate and nice to me. To me, your selfless sacrifices and love has been so amazing that I'm constantly inspired to be the better person. 

After much crying and praying and the Bible verse that I came across during my devotion, I felt a sense of calmness and peace over me. Because to me, God was the BIGGEST and the BEST person of all time, sending His Son to die for us on the cruel cross so that we may have salvation. 

Always and after remembering how Christ has sacrificed Himself for us, it makes me want to be the better person. It's not always easy, but I'm sure with God's strength, I can do all things.

Love and Grace,

Hannah

Life Without Limits

During my January trip to one of my favourite country, Singapore, I bought Nick Vujicic's books - Life Without Limits and Unstoppable. I bought them because I've read the previews and they seem like a really good read. So when I stumbled upon the books in Kino, I bought them immediately.

I'm currently taking my time, reading Nick Vujicic's 1st book - Life Without Limits. By taking my time, it really does mean taking my time - slow and steady. I love reading and I can read pretty fast as well. I was trained into speed reading (since I was 7 years old) but still fully understanding the texts while reading them fast.

I'm reading this book at a slow pace because I can be very emotional and very, very overwhelmed when reading "Life Without Limits". I find myself bawling my eyes out after reading a page because EVERY SINGLE WORD in the book MAKES SO MUCH SENSE TO ME! It felt like that book was written just for me but of course, it's not.

This is the first time that I've cried so much while reading a book. I can only manage a couple of chapters at a time, to not overwhelm myself. After reading those few pages, the words tends to dwell in my head for hours and hours. I felt like my insecurities and doubts were spoken to.

This is for those of you who does not know whom Nick Vujicic is.

Nicholas James "Nick" Vujicic (born 4 December 1982) is a Serbian Australian evangelist and motivational speaker born with tetra-amelia syndrome, a rare disorder characterized by the absence of all four limbs. As a child, he struggled mentally and emotionally as well as physically, but eventually came to terms with his disability and, at the age of seventeen, started his own non-profit organization, Life Without Limits. Vujicic presents motivational speeches worldwide, on life with a disability, hope and finding meaning in life. He also speaks about his belief that God can use any willing heart to do his work and that God is big enough to overcome any and all disabilities.

- Excerpted from Wikipedia

Nick Vujicic, you really inspire me! Despite having physical disabilities, he lives life much  more better than I do. 

God really does work in mysterious ways to answer my doubts. I was really self-doubting myself about a particular incident, thinking that, "Nah, it's impossible for me to do it because I'm never clever enough or good enough."

Then while reading "Life Without Limits", on Page 61, there's this paragraph. It's like magic or something. Does the book knows what I'm thinking? It's a little creepy there. It goes :-

Hold that thought: Anything is possible. When you feel wiped out and blown away by a huge challenge, trust that anything is possible. You may not see a way out at the moment. You may feel that the whole world is lined up against you. But believe that circumstances can change, solutions can appear, and help can arrive from unexpected places. Then anything is possible!

Tears just came down after reading that paragraph. I mean, I was like just only thinking about it a couple hours ago, and this just came to me. WOW! Can you believe it? I was a little creep-ed out then. How did the timing work out that way? Like was I meant to read that at a particular time?

God never fails to amaze me. Whenever I'm praying, in need of some encouragement to go on, there will always be words of comfort and support given to me. Be it from family, friends or from unanticipated people or places. There's just always enough courage to continue my journey on.

This reminds me of one of my favourite song from Hillsong - God is Able. I've included the song below for your listening pleasure. :)

Blessed, I am.

Hannah. 

One month in one post

It's been a month since I've posted anything here, on my blog. A month can be rather long... or short, depending on how you look at it. No worries, I'm still alive and well, living everyday as best as I could.

I've been really busy during the past month. Busy with the Lunar New Year, busy processing my school stuff, busy with my other commitments. It sure has been a hectic month, full of life's ups and downs but nonetheless, I'm still thankful that I'm still living and kicking... just not sure if I'm as sane though after this 1 month. HAHA! :P

I went to KK to celebrate Lunar New Year with my paternal family whom I visit only maybe once or twice a year only. I always enjoy being back there because I miss my paternal family a lot. I mean, I get to eat really yummy foods made with love by my aunt (my dad's older sister. Oh yeah, my aunt is like ONE OF THE BEST COOK EVER!), go shopping (KK has like many more shopping centers than in Brunei definitely), just wandering around and try as many nice food available everywhere and just simply enjoy the bonding time with my grandma, aunts and cousins.

After the trip to KK, I've also been busy, busy, busy especially with the school things. My friends also helped me out a lot by ferrying me to and fro (because I can't drive yet. Thank you so much, Ping and Pistachio!). I'm thankful for such good friends.

It's not all that bad but the stress can really get to you. I find myself crying a lot (yeah, I cry when I'm stressed out. Crying is like an emotional outlet for me. I think I need to find a more POSITIVE outlet) and being really edgy and frustrated all the time.

I need to say that I'M REALLY SORRY to all the people whom I've not been really nice too at certain times where I just snap back and be really hostile because I was really stressed and mentally exhausted. THANK YOU so much for enduring my unfriendliness at times. It's just that when all the things get piled up, I tend to just break down.

I'm only human. I'm only skin and blood and bones. I'm not perfect.

I fell, I cried, I crumbled but everything will be just fine.

Keeping strong,

Hannah

Be still

As you can see, from my previous post, I'm lacking with self confidence and trust but I'm trying hard to be more positive. This reminds me of a song that speaks to me and is close to my heart. It is what I want to say and it is what God says to me.

It reminds me of God's forever unchanging and faithful love to me. No matter how hard the situation gets, I know I'm not alone - "When the oceans rise and thunders roar, I will soar with you above the storm."

"Find rest my soul, in Christ alone. Know His power, in quietness and trust."

Such POWERFUL yet REASSURING words.

Lyrics:

Hide me now

Under Your wings

Cover me

Within Your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar

I will soar with You above the storm

Father you are King over the flood

I will be still, know You are God

Find rest my soul

In Christ alone

Know His power

In quietness and trust

When the oceans rise and thunders roar

I will soar with You above the storm

Father You are king over the flood

I will be still, know You are God

May the song and the lyrics be able to touch and bless you. It's always amazing to know that there's somebody always there for you no matter how broken and tattered you get. :')

Listen and be blessed.

Hannah

Fears and Worries

Warning: Lengthy post ahead. * Don't say I didn't warn you. *

I've not updated my blog for a while now. I've been travelling for a little bit over the past couple of weeks... and I'm procrastinating to story my travel tales at the moment. However, if the mood to ever tell my tales sets in, I shall.

January has come and gone so fast! Can you imagine that?! It wasn't too long ago when it was the end of 2012 and just the beginning of the year, 2013. Now, 1 month or 31 days have passed. It's just too fast. Don't you think so? Or is it just me that feel this way? Oh, hello February.

Half of me is looking forward to this month whereas the other half of me is dreading the days of February. It's a really mixed up feeling inside of me.

Why I'm looking forward? Because Lunar New Year is just around the corner, I get to go back to my hometown to celebrate it with my paternal family whom I see only once or twice a year.

Why I'm NOT looking forward? Because the A Level results would be released really soon. It might be today, tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. Nobody knows except for the people handling the results in the Ministry of Education.

Anyway, I'm currently spending my days anxiously waiting for my A Level exam results to be published. This period of time is such a terrible and fearful one to me because I'm absolutely terrified of how my results will turn out to be.

I gave my best but still, I think I didn't do very well. So, I'm not looking forward to knowing what's my results are. I'm never the brightest student but I do work hard and try my best at it. Since after my exams, I have been trying hard to just ignore the fact that it's over and done with already. My personality, my character, my nature just always tend to over-think and over-worry. Also, I never have the confidence.

I try not to think about it and just live my life as per usual but the worries, the fears are instilled already deep inside of me. It's been 2 months and I find myself in a mess by doing so. I can't fall asleep  easily because this matter lingers in my mind always and I can't sleep well because I'm always having weird or bad dreams, or that I'd wake up to find myself crying from my sleep. I find my stomach churning and my head turning whenever I think about it. My mood for the day would just change for the worse.

I'm not even exaggerating. I find myself hard to comprehend even. It's mentally and physically exhausting. People might find me being such a wuss, being irritating or annoying due to my insecurities. Some might question me for the reasons behind my insecurities because what's done is done. I can't change anything.

Hopefully, my results would be an okay, satisfying one. I'm not hoping for straight A's because I know very well that'll never happen. I just want it to get me somewhere.

My dad would sometimes notice my worries through small talks and he'd tell me to commit these into my prayers. From here, I find myself not entirely placing my trust unto God and that He'll do the rest and pave the way for me.

I'd cry because I'm not able to place all my troubles and worries unto God. I'd cry because I think I'm incompetent. I'd cry because I'm scared. I'd cry because I think I will be a disappointment.

I'd feel like hiding in a hole or running far, far away or cooping up alone somewhere and just not face the world, face reality, face myself.

Perhaps it's the past memories that had and will scar me forever. Words and actions that had etched into me because I'm such a disappointment especially to my mum and dad a couple years ago. Maybe it's because of the bad events that still continue to haunt me, even until today. I've lost my confidence, lost my cool, lost my sanity.

I'm really uncertain what the future might hold for me BUT from today onward, I will be even more fervent towards my prayers and my quiet time. To reconnect myself with God, to be even closer to God, to try and place all my trust unto Him, to ask God to relieve me from all my burdens and my fears.

I sincerely pray and hope that everything would be alright in the end and that my worries would prove to be nothing. Also, there's still this part of me that's trying to prepare myself for the worst that is to come (which I hope it will not happen).

~ Hannah ~

Another year older...

Yup!! The title says it all. I'm another year older as of 2 days ago. I've hit the last year of my "teens". That statement just gave off my age. Well, nothing has changed apart from my age and this year, it's just a busy, normal day for me. No celebrations, no big family dinners, no nothing. It's just a nice, yummy family dinner at an Italian restaurant for the occasion :)

I have received many birthday greetings and well wishes through text messages, Whatsapp, Facebook, Twitter and a couple more SNS that I have. It's nice to see messages that makes you feel warm all over or ones that makes you smile like a fool or the ones that makes your eyes well up because it's just so touching. I just want to say a BIG THANK YOU to all who have taken a little bit of your time to wish me a "Happy Birthday". I'm truly blessed and grateful with such wonderful family and friends all over. :')

On a fun note, I have been living 6940 days on Earth since birth until my birthday on the 14th January, 2 days ago (which makes me 6942 days old today :P). Wow!! Almost reaching the 7k mark. All the years that went by.. oh my, how time really flies. The next thing I know, I'd be 40.

THANK YOU all,

Hannah

First Monday of 2013

Yesterday was the first Monday of 2013. I've seen many "Monday Blues" posts on Facebook and Twitter. I'm not really sure how the rest of you felt but I definitely had a great Monday yesterday. 

I, FINALLY, after much procrastination and putting off my "to learn driving" business, got the paperworks done!! Well, if not for my dad, putting his foot down against my procrastination, I wouldn't have done it yesterday. :P Hehehe.. Thanks dad! I'm actually looking forward to all these driving stuff. But for now, I need to tackle on the 'theory part' of driving. :(

Anyway, I came across a video yesterday... and the video contents came as a shock and surprised. I was never expecting something like that. I was having my giggling fits while watching the video. HAHAHA!! It's a fresh and surprising talent. New to the market ;) Watch the video below!!! (I'm rather outdated as this has been 2 years since, don't judge!)

Edward Reid... from Britain's Got Talent!! When you are watching this for the very first time, were you expecting that?! I really doubt so.. it's rather entertaining, seeing the judges' and the audience's reactions. One statement that hit me and got me laughing the most was one of the judges', Michael McIntyre's comment to Edward Reid after hearing him sing - "I don't know what will happen to you after this competition, but I can see you getting booked for Elton John's child's first birthday party." HAHAHA!!

Well, that was something little to share. Hopefully the rest of my week will be good!! :)

Sharing a little laughter :'D

Hannah