Day 365 of 2013

As you can tell from the title above, TODAY IS THE LAST DAY OF THE YEAR!!! This year has gone by incredibly fast! I felt like there's still so much to do, so much yet to accomplish and all. Like how time in the world is never enough. The bittersweet feeling, the mixed emotions that I get during this time every single year...

In the previous post, I said that I'll do a post that wraps up my entire 2013. It won't be every single detail of my year but just a few of the highlights of my 2013. The ones that are worth remembering and looking back at and the few moments or events that I don't mind sharing with the rest of the world (since I'm a very private person, there are many things or most things that I keep to myself and no other).

Let's see... first up on the list:

[1] Turned the last of my teens. I've never officially stated my age here on my blog but if you're smart enough, you might have already guessed how old I am already through the subtle hints that I drop in some of the previous posts. I do feel old especially when my birthday is in 2 weeks.

[2] Started into university to study for an undergraduate degree that is supposedly to help and come into handy when I apply for jobs after I graduate from university. Second semester starting in a week! ><

[3] Got my driving license... which I have yet to fully utilise although I do drive sometimes to familiar places under the supervision of my dad.

[4] Had a nice family vacation to Singapore earlier this month. With the whole family, all 5 of us. (It has been 2 years since the last family trip overseas which we went to Hong Kong. I LOVE HONG KONG!) It has been rather hard to coordinate everyone's schedule for a nice, relaxing holiday.

[5] Went to Universal Studios, Singapore (USS) for the very first time. Plucked up the guts to go for a few rides that were quite thrilling. Sporty enough for a timid person like me but not too sporty enough to go on those death-defying rides (or so I label some of the rides as).

[6] Well, just to mention... I did went to Gardens By The Bay and the S.E.A. Aquarium. They were also my maiden visits and I had nice experiences but USS can have a special  note all to itself. Not because it deserves a special note but just that it was the greatest highlight of our trip!

[7] Went back to KK for Qing Ming (Tomb Sweeping) for the first time ever as well. I've been Qing Ming in Brunei almost every year if I could make it but never in KK so it was an experience.

[8] Went to Singapore TWICE during this year. Which was a rare treat since I love travelling and even more so, I LOVE SINGAPORE! First trip in January only with mum and the second one was with the whole family.

[9] Got over with the whole 2 years of A-Level ordeal. Worst 2 years of my life but I've decided to let it go. Maybe, I might just bring it up once in a while to complain and rant a bit then bury it back again.

[10] Made new friends and got closer to old friends. Went to university and made a bunch of nice friends and through certain events, got closer with my old friends who are worth keeping for as long as ever. They're just such nice, sweet souls.

Hehe.. sorry that the above is not in order. I just wrote what popped into my mind at the moment and decided to leave it as that. Laziness at its best. :P So happens that my life is mundane and I have not too many interesting things to post.

Before ending this wrap-up posts, there are some things that I'd like to see in myself in the coming year, 2014. Not a resolution, no New Year New Me thing. Just maybe a few improvements and things that I can do for myself. 

[1] Maintain my GPA which was satisfying this semester. A great encouragement for myself that I can actually do this. Hopefully I can perform better in the coming 2 semesters next year.

[2] Make more new friends? Connect more to old friends?

[3] Be a better person. I just want to be a better me and think better of myself more. Have better patience and not get all hot-headed the entire time. Try to speak gently and be more encouraging towards others. Not to have low-esteems all of the time and maybe, try newer things and experience new things in life.

[4] Possess a healthier lifestyle. No more late-night snacking or sleeping late into the night. Maybe change from a night owl to an early bird?

[5] Go on more travels? I'd love to go back to Singapore again ;)

I cannot think of more as of this moment.. but I'm pretty sure after posting this up, more will come to my head. Haha.

I'm just very thankful for this year. How God's amazing grace has brought me through this year, through all the good, bad and ugly. I'm thankful for all the things that I'm blessed with, no matter how less or more. I'm grateful to all the people that are in my life, for they have encouraged and built me in one way or another.

I'm praying and hoping for a better year ahead. Have a great New Year's celebration everyone!

In God's Grace,

Hannah

p.s. Hehehe.. sorry for such a lengthy post. If you're reading this, you have a lot of patience. Hahaha!!

Boxing Day 2013

As I have said in my ultra short Christmas post that I'm going to write a new post soon right? Here it is!! (I do try my best to keep my promises :D)

It's Boxing Day today, the day after Christmas. In Brunei there's rarely the Christmas feel unless you make it yourself. Oh well. I'm looking forward to the next Christmas already just so you know but there's 364 more days to go...

So... how has everything been for everyone? Good I hope. As for me, I think I'm doing well here except that I've been sick for the past week which hasn't been fun at all. I caught the sick bug on the second last day of my family vacation in Singapore which left me running a fever, coughs, runny nose and I even broke out into hives for like 2 and a 1/2 days! No worries though, I'm clear from my hives and fever. What's left with me are just the runny nose and coughs. Bummer... (can you imagine having these symptoms for Christmas? I couldn't enjoy my Christmas meal to the full but I still enjoyed it nonetheless.)

I've pretty much disappeared from the blog for the most of December... or pretty much the whole of this year. There are less posts as compared to last year but there were reasons behind this. I've had to go through many new experiences and to put it simply, they were not all easy. I'll expound all these further in another post that I'll do to wrap up my 2013. So look out for the new posts to come!! :)

Just a short story that I'd like to share. Pretty interesting, this one below. Hmmmm......

Mwehehe, just an update and a heads up,

Hannah

Merry Christmas 2013

Have a Blessed Christmas everybody!! Best wishes to all!!

From me to you,
Hannah :)


p.s. I promise to update the blog with a new post soon ;)

Exam Fever University Style

I've been meaning to write a post for the month at the least but it never happened until now. Well, my "excuse" is that this past one month has been the most hectic period since I started my 1st ever semester in the university. It has been cramped up with tests, presentations, more tests, assignments, write-ups... the whole lot. You just name it.

Right now, I'm in the midst of having my university exams which happens at the end of the semester. Yup, good news and bad news here. Good news is that it's the end of the semester. Bad news would be the horrible phase of exam that the whole university student body, including I, myself are going through.

I've been through a lot of exams in my entire life. I mean, who has not right? There's always something new to experience and this is my 1st university experience. So far, it has been okay for me... I'm trying to stay afloat. Not all too well but God is good!

It's difficult to study for university exams. Yes, difficult! There are no key answers to past year papers, there are no spoon-fed notes like what we have in high school, only limited help and resources available. It's a little overwhelming at times. I've been spending a lot of my hours in the university library, reading up on my modules' materials, searching for better information from the books (can I tell you that I still suck at finding suitable books in the library? Sucking at finding my course related books takes up even more time!) and trying very hard to just study and revise.

Now I know how hard it is to prepare for a university exam. But then again, I just have to muster up all my courage and brace through this week and I'll be done for the semester. I can't wait for the holiday. 

However, before I start drooling and pining on my coming holidays, I must continue to strive and carry on with my revisions (eeeeeeeessssshhhh~~ I hate studying!!). Coming here for a post is just an excuse to procrastinate my revisions. Heh... I'm a bad example - do not learn this from me!

The above cartoon speaks right through me. This is just too true... for me that is. Hahaha.. just something more entertaining than my writings at the top. 

4 more days to go and I'm done (for the 1st semester that is :P),

Hannah :)

Deadlines

I'm back again with another post! So soon right? Taking Friday today as a small opportunity to take a breather from a very hectic week back at school.

Yesterday especially... was an extremely exhausting day for me. I had an assignment due which I started some time ago but can't seem to be at peace with it. There were constant changes to what I wrote, my references weren't as good (because I'm kinda bad at referencing) and etc. Well, you get the whole picture.

So, with some advise from my course-mate, I managed to get back on track and was more decisive on what I was going to do for assignment (even though I still don't like what I wrote... I felt that it wasn't enough in content though the word count was great). 

My assignment was due yesterday, Thursday, and I burnt the midnight oil past Wednesday night until the wee hours of Thursday morning, making sure that I did things correctly. I was being extremely paranoid at that point to the point that I couldn't even fall asleep though things were done and completed. I guess that the stress crept up on me. 

I only fell asleep when I start to see the light of day outside my window. I slept for about only 3 hours and I had a full day of lectures and tutorials and night time Bible study. Wow! Thinking back to it, I totally wondered how I even survived through the day! I bet that my aunts or my parents will chide me for not having proper sleep and all if they should read about this.

They have been getting on about having proper and regular sleep because bad sleeping patterns wears out a person health-wise. I've to clear that I'm trying to sleep early these days, latest by 11 pm. But, this was a special case as I couldn't sleep because of my assignment deadline and all. Also, I compensated my sleep deprivation by sleeping in until 9.30 am this morning!

I have more deadlines to follow in the coming week and a test tomorrow. Ha! I'm so not ready for it. Anyway, I believe that God is good and I can lean on Him when times get tough.

I came across this a few days ago and I found it pretty true. When you're press for time, your creative juices tend to flow more abundantly. Well, in my case that is. Though I would totally advice you and also make a mental note to myself, to never put things off to the last minute. It wasn't a last minute preparation for me but many of the changes to my assignment was definitely last minute. 

To another hectic week coming ahead,

Hannah

Mid-Semester Break OVER and GONE

Well well well... what's up people? I haven't got the time really nowadays to drop by for a post because guess what? My mid-semester break is officially over and I'm back in uni for classes, tutorials and lectures now.

I'm back here for a short post because I'm currently suffering from a writer's block from writing an essay for my English Language & Linguistics class (yeah... so everybody knows that I'm taking this module... for now). How I wish there's like some magic pen or maybe with a clap, my essay would magically be written, ready to be submitted already. But then, who am I fooling right?! All university students go through this phase I suppose.

I love attending my lectures and classes (really!!! well, maybe not all of them but most! :D) but when there's like so many assignments dumped on you, or in my case, when I get many assignments and project,  I get kind of demotivated to even do them. Like, I lost all my willpower or something. I get really cranky and easily irritated when I'm doing my assignments. (So, don't come near me when I'm doing my work or I'll bite! Just Kidding~~)

And with my writer's block, I decided to come in for a little while and post something on the blog. Hoping that I'd maybe get some inspiration somewhere, somehow to continue my essay.

This reminds me of a picture, titled "Don't Give Up!".

I know I'm not digging for diamonds but you get the meaning of what I'm trying to relay here. I'm trying to give myself a pep talk here like "Giving up is for losers!!" or "Don't be a chicken!".

So yeah, that's what I'm currently experiencing, right here, right now. I guess it's hard for now but I believe that hard work pays off. That's how the saying goes right?

Other than that, I finished most of my assignments except for a couple of my essays and a small part of a video project that I'm working on with a group of friends. My Korean video is done and submitted!! Hopefully, it fulfills my teacher's requirements and get a good grade for it. I find the Korean video that 3 of my friends and I made very funny!! Okay, maybe VERY FUNNY TO US only... but I can never watch on because it's SO EMBARRASSING! *fingers crossed that my Korean teacher won't show it to the rest of the class*

Oh and before I end for this post, I came over a pretty cute cartoon. It's "OCTOBEAR" now! Hahaha!! Get it?! Get it?! "OCTOBEAR" = "OCTOBER"??!! Oh okay.. not funny.

Lame, I know... Well, I've got to get going now. Have a great week ahead errrrbody!!

Gonna go finish up my essay now, toodles!

Hannah

p.s. Was supposed to publish this post at around 11pm but then there was an electricity outage in the house. Took up about 40 minutes to fix it. So here it is! :)

Be who you are!

I check my Facebook everyday just to stalk see what my friends and family are up to and I've got those people on my news feed who shares health tips, comics, memes, stories and so on.

In this world, where people are slowly becoming homogeneous, it's rather difficult to find your own identity... then I came across this story on Facebook. I think that it's worth a read. Not too long a story and also a plus point because it's a good one. I'll post this here for everyone to have a read. 

Hehe.. have fun reading!!

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck.

One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water.

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do. After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house."

The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?" "That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them." "For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house."

Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.

So, to all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!

Just be yourself,

Hannah

Mid-Semester Break 2013

Okay okay.. I didn't keep my promise. I didn't update my blog regularly or so I thought I could... BUT the thing is that, I've been so busy with my university assignments and tests that I barely have any time left for me to squeeze in for a post. 

Well, maybe I would have had the time but time is so, so precious these days that it's better off used to do some other more "beneficial" things (like sleep maybe :P). So, this is why that this blog has been put off.

And I kind of have a bit of time on my hands right now because it's the start of my 2 weeks long mid-semester break. I actually thought that I could, you know, relax and enjoy my holiday... but am I ever so wrong!!! I'm now piled up with essays, presentations and video assignments to prepare and finish before the mid-semester break ends. Oh boy...

That's just a little update from me. More to come soon, hopefully! I've got nothing interesting really, to talk about because my life is just that uneventful. Not that I'm complaining or anything. It's pretty good for me :)

So far so good,

Hannah

p.s. Came across this I fell in love with that cute, cuddly white puff!! It's waving~~ HELLO/BYE!!

New Phase of life - University

Heeeyyyyy!! It has definitely been a while since I last stopped by here. It feels nice to be back, doing some writing and all. I have been very busy the past month, hence the "No August's Posts" and it's because...

I've just started a new phase of my life. I have started university! I'm currently pursuing my studies in a local university here in Brunei (yes, as all Bruneians will know that it's the one and only university here). 

It was a kind of big adjustment for me - new environment, new learning methods, new teachers (or "lecturers" now in uni), different atmosphere and new friends. But lucky for me, I'm blessed with a few precious "old" friends from high school that are in the same university.

The past August was busy with the new - orientation period, adapting to new classes, new things to learn, getting familiar with the university campus (I'm glad that I haven't been to any wrong classes... just yet ><), making new friends and also, not to forget THE OLD - homework, class assignments, presentations, researches...

So, those are the latest updates in my life. I will try to update and post more if time permits.. 

Until the next post,

Hannah 

Growing up with Tom and Jerry

Just wanting to share something to break the long silence here on the blog. (I've been very, very, very busy ><)

I saw something that intrigued me while surfing 9GAG just now. 

I find the above statements absolutely so true. 

"Childhood is time when you like Jerry and admire his smartness. Maturity is time when you understand, that Jerry is a complete asshole and you feel sorry for Tom."

I've spent a fair share of my childhood watching cartoons on TV and one of the cartoons that I used to like watching was 'Tom and Jerry' alongside with Dexter's Laboratory, Powerpuff Girls, Johnny Bravo, Cow and Chicken, Totally Spies, Kim Possible and many, many more. I can't believe how much TV I watched. 

I was no couch potato when I was younger. I spent a lot of time playing outdoors in the neighbourhood with the neighbourhood children. I remembered how my grandma who used to watch us (her grandchildren) during the day would bar us from going outdoors to play and we would sneak out anyway and get into trouble when we came back home. Oh, how I miss the good fun in the old days...

Sorry for side-tracking and back to the topic. I used to enjoy Jerry's wits and enjoyed Jerry always outsmarting Tom. I used to hate Tom as a kid, like why did Tom always bully Jerry and make trouble for Jerry. Obviously, I loved it when Jerry won over Tom and think that Tom deserves what he got.

But as I grew older and re-watch those exact same cartoons that I've seen as a child, I find Jerry a nuisance and I would empathise with Tom. Watching Tom and Jerry with an older mindset makes me realised that it was Jerry who caused and find himself all the troubles and lands himself in all the mess that he created. In the end, I grew to dislike Jerry.  I find him rather annoying. HAHA!!

Growing up really does changes people huh?

Here's to growing up,

Hannah

Just an update on Hannah's life

I've been pretty busy these days. Mostly busy with the piano. Yes, piano! 

Actually, I haven't been going for my piano lessons since last October, which makes it about 9 months since I've been playing the piano on a regular basis. Sorry Teacher Fel! I promised her that I'll be back for lessons soon after my A Level but I've been dragging on and on - because of me travelling often, being away from Brunei and being occupied with other commitments.

I'm a little rusty with the piano even though I've been playing it at times (rarely!). I've been asked to write out music scores for a couple of songs for Sunday School and I'm trying my best to do it. It's a challenge for me because I'm not a musically inclined person (I have to practice a lot compared to those natural talents who pick music up easily) but it's been nice, spending lots of hours with my piano. I do enjoy my moments spent with it :)

Also, I'm trying to blog more often. Compared to last year, in the course of 6 months (I started back in June 2012), I've blogged about double or even triple the amount of posts than I do this 6 months (2013). Yeah, I know. I'm not the most consistent person out there but at least there's some progress going on or as some would say, it's better than nothing.

I didn't know that my dad reads my blog - but I did talk to my dad about my blog at times (the very few times, countable on one hand). My dad says that I don't blog about anything much that's going on around me and my life, but instead blog about the more general things and other people or other events and so on.

I admit that I'm not very comfortable with sharing about my very personal life (only general stuff) or personal pictures or whatsoever personal here on my blog just yet, since it's open for public to see. I did those though for my previous blogs. Haha!!

I think as I grow older, I tend to keep more and more things to myself. Even my Facebook account! I was really active with Facebook a few years ago but as I age, I don't even update my Facebook anymore. I only use Facebook to stalk catch up with other people's life events. 

I think that maybe I should start slowly. There are family members of mine who are living far away from where I am who are reading my blog as well and I'm sure there's a certain few (won't name you out :P) who are always curious about me. So maybe, just maybe, I may start revealing my more personal bits and pieces. But it's just that nothing much or interesting is going on in my life right now.

Other than that, I hope that my days ahead for this week would be better. Fell into a big slump for the past weekend because I wasn't in my best condition and was feeling rather awful and lethargic - I was really easily irritated and annoyed and got all moody and upset about many useless things. I didn't want to talk to anybody because I just wanted to be left alone. I think I scared quite a few people because I'm usually portrayed as a friendly and amicable person (I think :P).

I feel sorry for the few people that I wasn't very friendly and nice to. I want to apologise sincerely right here (that is if you're reading this. Haha!). I wasn't really myself for the past weekend because I was just so sore and tired, just feeling really stressed about the past hectic week that had taken a toll on myself. Sorry!!

I'm going to be facing another busy week next week. Kind of looking forward to it but at the same time, not so ready to face it. Can't make up my mind about how I feel - mixed feelings.

Just trying to keep myself afloat now. I can do this.

Sorry that it's such a lengthy and wordy post.

Hannah

p.s. I just checked and this blog of mine is officially 1 year old!! Yay me!! :D Reality strikes since 12th June 2012 - 1 year and counting.

Up, Up, Up

I've been very busy for the past month of May. Hectic and stressful but I'm thankful that by God's grace, I'm able to overcome whatever challenges that came my way even though I almost just broke down all the way a few times. Tears, fear, anger, desperation - a roller coaster month for me! I was so caught up in my world that I haven't have got the time to use the computer except for a few short times here and there.

I actually finished the work that held me by the neck by the end of May. I had a lot more freedom this June, or more so, the past 5 days :) I couldn't be more happier and I've been meeting up with friends who came back home for Summer from university and college overseas and most of all, DOING A WHOLE LOT OF READING! (I'll get back to my books in the next post soon to come, so stay tune)

Well, in the midst of all the crazy busy-ness, I actually went online that one day - 21st May. You know, just to check up on my emails that was piling up and to escape my responsibilities for just a little while. While I was scrolling down my Facebook feed, I came across an article that came with a video which showed a story of Zach Sobiech.

The article was about an 18-years-old boy who just died and the video that was about 22 minutes long is about his life after he found out that he was dying from osteosarcoma. 

I've included the video that I watched here for easier viewing.

I watched the entire video, pausing a few times halfway through because it was really hard to watch it through knowing that this kid just died a day ago (or less than a day ago since my time zone and his time zone were vastly different). 

While watching it, I was thinking of how pain and sufferings that he has endured for the past few years, the sorrows and grieve his family and friends were feeling. This feeling caught me personally since I've been through this a couple of times and the last was just a year ago. 

I'm just amazed at how optimistic Zach is through this entire ordeal. He even had a girlfriend who was his pillar of strength and support for the past 11 months before he died. Videos like this always make me think about me, my life. Like, what in the world am I doing with myself while somebody somewhere is struggling and trying so hard just to survive?!

I love one of his quote that has been haunting me in the back of my head:

"You don't have to find out you're dying to start living"

I've read comments saying that this is such an inspiration and all. Yes, I do agree. I've watched a fair share of such videos and every videos like these always open up another small part of me, changing my perspectives about myself, my life and the world, little by little. It's not a 180 degree of change but enough to improve myself slowly.

Also, another thing that caught my attention was that instead of writing farewell letters to family and friends, Zach wrote a song so that everyone can have a little part of him. It's called "Clouds" and I love the song! I've been playing it again and again and again. Singing it here and there many times, over and over again.

The above is the video of his song "Clouds". I find the lyrics really touching and meaningful, inspired by his girlfriend if I'm not wrong. It's just beautiful. 

Just sharing a bit of my thoughts about Zach, who's a fighter. I've never met him but it seems like I know him already. Even though it's been a few weeks since he passed away, I still pray and hope that his family will stay strong and take comfort in the fact that Zach is no more suffering and in pain. God loves His children. :)

Up, up, up,

Hannah

Mother's Day 2013

It has come to this time of the year again. MOTHER'S DAY!! Even though everyday should be a day where you honour your parents but today is more special especially to all the mothers. I want to wish all the mums all around the world and especially my mummy a very Blessed Mother's Day!!

I'm so thankful that I have a mum (and dad too! But today, I'm dedicating this to mummy) who works so hard to provide for the family so that all of us in the family can lead a comfortable and a fortunate life. [My family has a dual parent income and I hail from a middle-class family for those of you who are curious. It's just enough for us to lead a nice and comfy life.]

Thank you mummy for all the sacrifices that you've made so that we can have the best. Thank you for being there, being our chauffeur driving us around when we need it and for buying us yummy snacks and foods which dad sometimes disapprove of :P Thank you for providing me with such a blessed lifestyle. Just thank you for everything.

I know that I may not be the best daughter ever, nor the most obedient and submissive kid, but I just want to thank you for being so patient with me and tolerating me and all my nonsense and my silly, idiotic antics. :)

Hehe... I know I'm not a person who regularly profess my feelings but today I just want to say that - Thank you so much mummy and I love you! <3

Not only to my own mum but to all the women - the many aunties in my life whom have been like a mother-like figure to me. Even though some of you are not mothers but to me, you're just like my mama. :)

Just to name a few whom I'm very grateful to like:- 

• My 2 grandmas and my god-grandma, 
• my mum's 2 sisters - Auntie Pheng and Auntie Shim, 
• my dad's 7 sisters - Da Gu, Er Gu, Fun Gugu, Phyllis Gugu, Ha Gugu, Fei Gugu and Ling Gugu especially to Fei Gugu and Fun Gugu for taking such good care of me when I had my long vacation back in KK and also to Phyllis Gugu for taking care of me when my parents are not around and all,
• and also to Auntie Rosemary, Auntie Rachel, Auntie Jeanne, Auntie A.Wah and many, many more!!

All of you have been such an encouragement and an inspiration to me. I just can't fully proclaim how grateful and thankful I have to have my mum and all these aunties all around to look after me. You guys are the bomb!! :D

Enjoy this wonderful day and enjoy your glorious moments fit for a queen :)

Many love and hugs to all of you,

Hannah

Hello May ; Just a little update

So, I've reiterated that I haven't been the most regular person ever to update her blog but it's okay. I blog lazily leisurely as I wouldn't want to pressure myself to produce blog entries, one after another, which then would put me off blogging and it's not like anybody would want to read my posts anyway.

Truthfully, I've never publicised my blog anywhere other than on Twitter, where I'd do a few tweets regarding my postings once in a while. So, if anybody else who's here on my blog reading this right now, not coming here through my Twitter, then you've stumbled into my world. Hello there and welcome :)

I created this blog mainly to keep my writing juice flowing since I haven't been doing a lot of writing since I graduated high school and I wouldn't like my English to deteriorate further than it already has. Pardon my lousy English - I'm not like those good bloggers out there who uses flowery words to enhance the quality of their posts whom I envy (also because I don't know that many of them flowery words to use appropriately :P)

Well, it's May already. Can you believe it?! Because I, for one, didn't exactly realised that we've hit May until I saw the date on my phone when I woke up yesterday morning. What happened to the past 4 months? It flew by so fast that I could hardly savour it.

Nothing really interesting has been going in my life right now. It's the same old peaceful  days passing by, unlike the colourful lifestyle that many of my friends are having being overseas - some studying, some travelling. I would love to be travelling right now. Anybody out there who wants to sponsor my air fares + travelling allowance?

I'm neither an avid risk taker nor an enthusiastic adventure seeker, which explains my  rather mundane lifestyle. Hopefully, life will take a better turn in the later part of the year for me. Right now, I'm fine being where I am. The coming days in May would be pretty busy for me due to certain circumstances. I'm not looking that forward to it but it'll do. I'm so thankful for all the good days I'm having now.

Life is good for now,

Hannah

Grow in experience, find happiness in the ordinary.

I was watching a Singaporean Film - Timeless Love (Chinese title: 那个夏天) the other day, that I came across this quote that I find rather meaningful. Oh, the movie is quite nice. Many of my favourite cast were in it. Go watch it if you can. :)

The original quote in Chinese from the movie itself:

人生要经历风雨，才能窥见彩虹的美丽；要经历过挫折，才会认识自身的不足；要经历过失去，才会懂得珍惜现在所拥有的；要经历过痛苦，才会明白幸福多么不容易。

在经历中成长，在平凡中寻找快乐。

For those who doesn't read Chinese, below is a rough translation of the text above that I tried my best to make out of:

In life, one must experience the storms of life to catch a glimpse of the beauty of the rainbow; one must experience setbacks in order to recognise their own shortcomings; one must experience loss then only will they know how to cherish what they currently have; one must experience pain to know that happiness is not easy.

Grow in experience, find happiness in the ordinary. 

Don't you find the quote speaking about some of the rules in life? All the ups and downs, the good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly. 

In life, we have taken many things for granted. Only when we lose sight of something, then only will we start to panic and grieve. Then it'll be a little to late to get back that moment in time. Slow down, take some time to appreciate the little things around us. :)

Slow down and live life,

Hannah

The Better Person

Today, I broke down and cried. I cried in disappointment, in anguish... 

There's so much emotions stored up in me, that I couldn't take it anymore, that I just sat down and cried. I tried to recollect myself but I just couldn't. The many feelings that has been kept inside of me, the feelings that no one else besides me that knows and understands... the bottled up feelings just came pouring out through the streaming tears, flowing down from my eyes, staining the bed-sheet and the clothes that I was wearing.

I just cried and cried and cried. While crying, I was praying. I was asking God to calm down my heart. I prayed for peace and for comfort... but the tears just continued rolling down my face. Like God was just asking me to just cry it all out instead of keeping all the negativity that I gradually stored inside of me.

It was the first time in a long time that I've cried so hard that my shoulders just shook uncontrollably. I cry because I'm hurt. I cry because I'm tired. I cry because I'm angry with myself. I've put up a strong front for a long time that I've exhausted myself and had to cry to relief myself.

I've always been trying to be the better person among the people around me so that I can see them be happy. I'm the kind of person that becomes happy when I see others being happy, most of the time though, not always as I'm only human.

This is me.

The person who tries to give the best to the people around her. 

The person who gives in to others so that they could be happier. 

The person who does the unwanted job that nobody wants to do just so that everyone is happy in the end.

The person who gets into unfavourable circumstances so that the people around her can stay in their own familiarities, their own comfort zone.

Despite being the better person (not all the time because I'm imperfect), have I lose out? I find that I've thrown myself into a deep hole unknowingly, unable to get myself out at times. There were many times that I really did not want to be the better person, like the time where I was being volunteered by others to do the things they didn't want to do so that they can stay in their own skin.

I wondered if the people around me have ever spared a feeling for me or ever tried to understand me. Have they tried to understand where I'm coming from? Have my being a better person gave others an upper hand, taking advantage me? Have my giving in become a norm that they can do whatever they want?

There's many questions that I asked myself, like why am I always the disadvantaged one? Why am I always stuck in these kind of mess? Why is things so unfair? Why don't I get treated better when I've treated everyone as nice as I could?

Sometimes, being the better person sucks. I'm not asking for any acknowledgments but it would be nice to be treated a little better. It's like me being the better person has become a natural to them, sometimes even being taken for granted.

I tell myself at times, why do I even bother? Does anybody sees the good works that I do? 

I was doing my quiet time a little later after my breakdown just now. Right then, this verse came across. It's not the first time such a thing has happened before. It's like the words that God has wanted to tell me or something. 

Colossians 3:17 (New International Version)

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

I don't do good things or be the better person just because I want others to see all the works or the sacrifices that I've done. It all comes back to the starting point. Seeing others happy makes me happy as well. Though not all the time, I would try to tell myself that it's all worth it.

To all the people who have been the better person just so that I could have better opportunities, I'm very thankful to you. Even though I could have forgotten to thank you, I would like to say a BIG Thank You to all of those who've been so considerate and nice to me. To me, your selfless sacrifices and love has been so amazing that I'm constantly inspired to be the better person. 

After much crying and praying and the Bible verse that I came across during my devotion, I felt a sense of calmness and peace over me. Because to me, God was the BIGGEST and the BEST person of all time, sending His Son to die for us on the cruel cross so that we may have salvation. 

Always and after remembering how Christ has sacrificed Himself for us, it makes me want to be the better person. It's not always easy, but I'm sure with God's strength, I can do all things.

Love and Grace,

Hannah